CAST EAP Articles

Flip the Script to Fight Negativity

Wed, 03 Aug 2022 14:40:24 GMT

Overcome negative self-talk more effectively by “flipping the script” and transforming the moment of negativity into positive energy.

Examples:

Whether you stub your toe or are criticized on the job, be aware of the impulse to engage in negative self-talk. Instead, think “I could make myself feel worse or beat myself up about this, but I refuse. I’ll focus on preventing a similar experience.”
If you’re dieting, don't say, “I can't have cake.” This is self-limiting and self-punishing. Flip the script and say, “I don’t want cake.” It’s more empowering.
Be your own best personal coach. After a mistake, rather than say, “I am not good at this,” flip the script, and consider how to do it better. If you don’t know how, say to yourself, “if I did know how to do this better, what could I be doing?” Then try that!

Your EAP can suggest other strategies for fighting negativity. Give us a call today!

https://www.oldwestbury.edu/sites/default/files/legacy/documents/Frontline%20March%202020%20-%20final.pdf

Keeping Work Stress from Coming Home

Wed, 03 Aug 2022 14:40:21 GMT

Is work stress coming home with you, along with tension, irritability, and anxiety? Experiment with these environmental controls and behavioral tactics to see if they don’t steer your thoughts and reflexes away from work and worries.

Before leaving work, participate in a ritual that “completes your day.” For example, put things away, stack paper neatly, roll your chair under your desk, dust a couple of shelves, or empty the wastebasket. Take a good look at your office or work space, “feel the completion” of your day—and leave. These behaviors, practiced daily for just a week, will begin to compartmentalize work and home.
If bringing work home is unavoidable, don’t place it on the kitchen counter , dinette, or with house clutter as you walk through the door. Instead, create a special location in your home physically removed from areas where you engage with loved ones.
Create digital communication habits that reinforce boundaries. For example, on your voicemail, say that you are gladly available, but only if it is urgent, along with instructions for the caller for what to do next. Note that you can experience a reduction in unnecessary phone calls if you simply allow the caller to decide if the concern is so urgent that it can’t wait. Most of the time, it really can.

Compartmentalization, boundaries, and smartphone management—these are instruments of work-life balance. Make them work for you.

https://www.oldwestbury.edu/sites/default/files/legacy/documents/Frontline%20February%202020_0.pdf

Making the Most of a Bad Day at Work

Fri, 29 Jul 2022 12:35:40 GMT

Everyone experiences job-related setbacks and mistakes at work (“a bad day”). Our initial focus is usually how awful we feel or how unfair “it” all seemed. The challenge is moving past the negativity.

Try these strategies to increase your resilience. Here are six “Ts” to recapture a positive you:

Temporary: Remind yourself that feeling bad is temporary; it will soon dissipate.
Teach: What can the day teach you? What part of it will add to your skills and abilities?
Talk: Talk and vent your experience with a friend to experience emotional release.
Twirl: Move, exercise, or play—engage in physical activity to influence a positive mood.
Transcribe: Write down your feelings.
Thanks: Focus on two or three things you are grateful for despite the setback, to help reenergize positivity.

https://www.oldwestbury.edu/sites/default/files/legacy/documents/Frontline%20February%202020_0.pdf

10 Myths About Therapy

Fri, 22 Jul 2022 11:58:32 GMT

Don't let misconceptions stand in the way of getting help

A lot has been written about mental health in the workplace and the risks of sharing a mental illness with coworkers or employers; however, it’s time to address the unfortunate, widespread stigma that still exists about mental health and therapy in America.

Misguided notions about what really goes on in a practicing therapist’s office often come from novels or television. Therapists are often portrayed as incompetent hacks, more disturbed than their clients. Some scenes are good, some bad, and others downright comical. There are numerous myths about therapy that continue to show up in the written word, on the screen, and in the workplace. Here are ten of the most common ones:

People who seek therapy are weak, mentally ill, or crazy. Nowadays if you seek treatment, it’s often viewed as a sign of resourcefulness. The average therapy client struggles with many of the same problems we all struggle with daily: relationships, self-doubt, confidence, self-esteem, work-life stress, life transitions, depression, and anxiety. The preferred designation for the person in therapy is “client,” not “patient,” for that very reason.
Psychotherapists sit behind desks taking notes while you lie on a couch. This is rarely the case. Trained clinicians know that the arrangement and distance between them and the client are critical for a safe and workable therapeutic alliance. Psychological or physical separation from the client can create subtle authority and intimidation and an inability on the client’s part to fully connect and disclose information pertinent to treatment. The typical therapeutic setting is much like your living room where both parties sit in comfortable chairs without barriers between them. Good therapists often ask if the distance is comfortable and refrain from taking notes until after the session so they can be present with clients.
Psychotherapists and clients become best friends. There is no basis in the myth often seen in literature that you pay a therapist to be nice to you and care for you. The therapeutic relationship is a psychologically intimate but strictly professional one. It’s the therapist’s absolute commitment and requirement of ethics and law that the relationship is limited to counseling sessions and necessary email, phone, or text contacts. Clinicians who break the boundary between a professional relationship and friendship can lose their licenses for such infractions. The client’s name and personal story are strictly confidential.
Psychotherapy is mostly just talk. Therapy isn’t passive. With today’s cutting-edge therapies, clinicians are trained in experiential and therapist-led modalities that engage both parties in an interactive, collaborative process based on dialogue and the client’s active engagement in joint problem-solving. Together therapists and clients identify problems, set goals, and monitor progress sometimes with homework and reading assignments as part of the process.
Therapists have ready-made solutions for all of life’s problems. What is important in establishing the therapist-client alliance is not what the therapist thinks is important to bring about change but what the client thinks is important. A good therapist tailors treatment sessions around the needs of clients instead of plugging clients into ready-made formulas. In so doing, clinicians listen not just to the content of the story but for deeper themes and patterns that undergird the stories. This allows the professional to mirror feedback based on these emerging themes and patterns that can facilitate change, not just the repetitive words and phrases that clients supply.
Psychotherapists blame a client’s problem on their upbringing. Despite the theatric antics of Dr. Phil, a well-trained therapist doesn’t blame or shame. They don’t blame clients or their parents. They bring an objective, bird’s-eye perspective to help clients see the water they’re swimming in and allow them to take responsibility for their lives. Professional therapists never admonish, blame, or shame clients into change.
Psychotherapists can prescribe medication. The term “psychotherapist” is a broad umbrella that includes a number of licensed mental health professionals. Although this practice has changed in some states, generally speaking, psychotherapists are trained in the skill of helping clients work through their problems. Psychiatrists are medical doctors who usually limit their practices to prescribing and monitoring psychotropic medications while working with psychotherapists who conduct the therapy itself.
Psychotherapy can solve problems in one or two sessions. While convenient for the novel or television show to have a character “fixed” in a session or two, it doesn’t work that way in real life. The average session is around 50 to 60 minutes and the first session is basically an intake and getting acquainted session. To get to the heart of a problem, therapy takes many more sessions over time. On the flip side, therapy rarely takes years. Generally speaking, something’s not working when a client works with the same therapist for excessively long periods of time. The average therapy course is three to four months.
Psychotherapists believe that personality is cemented by age 5. The belief that you can’t teach old dogs new tricks is perhaps the biggest myth of all. Neuroscientists have shown that the brain is malleable. Researchers, using the latest in MRI brain imaging technology, have shown that meditation naturally and beneficially increases the neural mass (gray matter) of the brain by harnessing the brain’s “neuroplastic” potential. Some therapy techniques utilize treatment based on neuroplasticity—the creation of new neural pathways in the brain and thus the potential for new beliefs and behaviors throughout life.
Psychotherapists make clients feel immediately better after each session. Clients are not cars, and therapists aren’t mechanics. Clients are active participants while therapists help them face and uncover whatever is bothering them. That process takes time and can be initially difficult and painful. Having feelings stirred up is part of the therapeutic process. When therapists describe the healing trajectory, we often say sometimes things get worse before they get better. But skilled therapists are trained on how to lead clients through the storm into the calm.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-rightmindset/202005/10-common-myths-about-therapy

How to Ask for Help

Fri, 15 Jul 2022 12:20:58 GMT

Ideally, the people around you will understand your illness and encourage you. But the important people in your life might not know much about mental illness. They may want to help you, but not know how to help. You can give friends and family a better chance to help by thinking ahead about how to tell them about your mental health.

Who To Tell

Talking about mental illness can be risky. When thinking over the pros and cons of telling someone, also consider the pros and cons of not telling them. The positives and negatives are different for everyone and thinking them through can help you decide what's

right for you.

Being able to offer emotional support is not something that everyone knows how to do. It's a skill that takes practice. Some people may not be able to offer emotional support. If you have relatives or friends who lack this skill, that doesn't mean they don't love you. You might want to make a list of the people you're considering telling. Include the people you feel closest to.

Also list the most emotionally skilled people you know, even if you don't know them as well. Consider the names. Which of your close friends and family are most skillful at offering understanding? Which ones are best at listening or giving a hug when you're down? What about the people who are good listeners? Which of these "A grade" people could you talk to?

How And What To Talk About

You can get the best support possible by planning the conversation. Consider including three items:

"Process" talk
Specific problem
Suggestions for how loved ones can help

"Process" talk means "talking about talking," rather than talking to share information. Prepare your listener for an important conversation by using "process" talk. Here are some ways to begin a process talk:

"I want to talk to you about something important. I'm not sure how to talk about it, though. Can you just listen to me and try to understand? I'm hoping I'll feel better after talking about it with someone, but I need you to be patient."
"There's something going on in my life that's bothering me. I think I need to talk to someone about it. I feel embarrassed about it, though, so please don't laugh it off or make a joke out of it."
"I'm not sure if this will make sense. I feel uncomfortable talking about it, but I want to tell someone. Because you're an RA, I hope you'll be able to give me advice on what to do next for help."

Concrete examples of what you mean by "mental illness." Every case of mental illness is different. To get the best support possible, share one or two examples of what's causing you stress:

"I think something's wrong because I can't sleep more than a couple hours at night. It's hurting my work and I feel out of control."
"I've started skipping classes sometimes. I'm worried I'll stop leaving the apartment if I don't get help."
"The doctor said I have bipolar disorder. Sometimes I feel like things are getting out of control and I’m not sure how to keep myself together."

Suggest ways to support you. Family and friends may not know what they can do to help. You can get the best support by asking for specific types of help:

"I'm scared to make an appointment because that's like admitting there's something wrong. But I need to see a doctor. Can you help me find one and follow through?"
"I'm not thinking clearly these days. I'm getting treatment for a mental illness, but it might take a while to feel right. Until then, when I do something that makes you uncomfortable, can you please tell me what I'm doing instead of getting freaked out?"
"I'm not supposed to drink alcohol with my medications. I'm going to try not to drink at parties, but I need my close friends to encourage me and help me keep my social life."
"I'm feeling better. But once in a while, can you tell me you're there for me and give me a hug?"

By telling the right people and suggesting ways for loved ones to help, you can start building a strong social support network. At first, you might be afraid to talk about your experiences. But don't give up looking for support and encouragement from others. You'll discover that many people want to help you.

You don't have to share everything. Decide in advance what parts of your experience you'll talk about and what parts you won't. Stand by your decision. It's perfectly understandable to answer a question with a statement like “I'd rather not talk about that right now.”
Make sure to share the good things. Explain how your illness has taught you new things, or about experiences you were able to have in spite or, or because of, your illness.
Set boundaries. Be clear with people about when you want their advice and when you just want them to listen. Also realize that people come with their own opinions, informed and otherwise, so be patient when explaining. If they try to discredit you, gently remind them that you are the one living with the illness, and you know yourself best.
Let them know how they can support you. Everyone has different needs, and different people respond in different ways. Think about your needs ahead of time, and about whether this person can support you, if there are resources that would help her or him understand what you're going through, or if she or he says no. Some people may not be able to handle disclosure, so it may be difficult to expect support from them. However, there are many people who will probably feel honored that you shared this with them, and whom will be happy to do what they can.

https://www.nami.org/Your-Journey/Individuals-with-Mental-Illness/Disclosing-to-Others

Family and Interpersonal Violence

Fri, 24 Jun 2022 12:20:54 GMT

Rather than using the term domestic violence, which is often equated with spousal abuse, we think of the problem as the broader one of family violence. This includes intimate partner violence, as well as other kinds of violence: child abuse, child-to-parent abuse, elderly abuse, and abuse by former family members, such as ex-spouses.

Like many difficult problems, family violence can be uncomfortable to talk about. As an EAP, it's an issue we are very familiar with. Many people who call us for help are debilitated from coping with family violence and issues that are so often intertwined: substance abuse, depression, or mental illness.

One myth about domestic violence is that it always involves physical or sexual assault. Not true. It might include threats, intimidation, humiliation, stalking, emotional abuse, exerting financial control, or isolation from friends and family. A common abusive technique is called gaslighting or manipulating someone by psychological means to a point where the victim questions their own sanity or worth.

Barriers to getting help can be varied and complex:

Fear of the abuser finding out.
Fear that an escape attempt will fail and make things worse.
Feeling stuck. Having no resources. Not knowing how to get away or where to turn.
Shame. Not wanting others to know.
Feeling protective about the abuser, particularly when it is a child inflicting violence on a parent.
Love or need. Believing promises that it won’t happen again. Feeling the abuser “needs me.”
Denial. It’s not that bad. It was an accident. It was my fault.

Signs of Abuse

Signs of physical abuse include:

Black eyes
Bruises on the arms
Busted lips
Red or purple marks on the neck
Sprained wrists

It's also common for someone to try to cover up the physical signs with clothing, such as, wearing long sleeves or scarves in the hot summer, wearing heavier than normal makeup or donning sunglasses inside.

Emotional signs of abuse include:

Agitation, anxiety, or constant apprehension
Changes in sleep habits (sleeping too much or not enough)
Developing a drug or alcohol problem
Extremely apologetic or meek
Loss of interest in daily activities
Low self-esteem
Seeming fearful
Symptoms of depression
Talking about or attempting suicide

You may notice a person:

Becomes reserved and distant
Begins isolating themselves by cutting off contacts with friends and family members
Cancels appointments or meetings with you at the last minute
Drops out of activities they would usually enjoy
Exhibits excessive privacy concerning their personal life or the person with whom they're in a relationship
Is often late to work or other appointments

What controlling behavior looks like:

Domestic abuse is not about violence, it's about control. If you notice that someone seems to be controlled or extremely manipulated in all areas of their life, it could be a sign they are being abused at some level.

Here are some examples of control:

Asking permission to go anywhere or to meet and socialize with other people
Constant calls, texts, or tracking by their partner wanting to know where they are, what they are doing, and who they are with.
Having very little money available to them, not having access to a credit card, or having to account for every penny spent
Not having access to a vehicle Referring to their partner as "jealous" or "possessive," or always accusing them of having affairs

What to do if you need help yourself:

Learn more about how to recognize abuse. Learn about local help resources in advance. Domestic violence agencies provide: Emotional support, safety planning, a safe place to stay in an emergency, legal help, and help with housing. If you feel in immediate danger, call 911. Otherwise, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE) or 1-800-787-3224 (TTY) or call your EAP.

Local Resources by County:

Chemung County - Salvation Army - Safehouse, 607-732-1979
Schuyler County - Catholic Charities of Chemung/Schuyler County, 607-742-9629, cs-cc.org/program-services/victim-services/
Steuben County - Arbor Housing & Development Domestic Violence Services, 800-286-3407, arbordevelopment.org/domestic-violence-services
Tompkins County - Advocacy Center, 607-277-5000, actompkins.org

How to help others:

If a friend, relative or person you care about might be in an abusive situation, you can’t rescue them, but you can throw a lifeline. Know common signs of abuse. Talk to the person to see if they feel safe. Listen and show the person that you care. Research domestic violence resources and shelters in your local area so you can offer the person alternatives. Help the person make a safety plan.

If you are worried you may become an abuser:

If you experience rage, anger, or poor impulse control and you are either afraid you might hurt someone or have hurt someone, get professional help immediately to learn how to manage your anger and change your behavior.

https://www.theeap.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/09/HealthCare-EAPEmployee-Newsletter-October-2018.pdf

Coping with Post-Traumatic Stress

Thu, 16 Jun 2022 12:32:02 GMT

PTSD develops differently from person to person because everyone’s nervous system and tolerance for stress is a little different. While you’re most likely to develop symptoms of PTSD in the hours or days following a traumatic event, it can sometimes take weeks, months, or even years before they appear. Sometimes symptoms appear seemingly out of the blue. At other times, they are triggered by something that reminds you of the original traumatic event, such as a noise, an image, certain words, or a smell.

Strategies for Coping with PTSD Symptoms

Challenge your sense of helplessness: Recovery from PTSD is a gradual, ongoing process. Healing doesn’t happen overnight, nor do the memories of the trauma ever disappear completely. This can make life seem difficult at times. But there are many steps you can take to cope with the residual symptoms and reduce your anxiety and fear.

Overcoming your sense of helplessness is key to overcoming PTSD. Trauma leaves you feeling powerless and vulnerable. It’s
important to remind yourself that you have strengths and coping skills that can get you through tough times.

One of the best ways to reclaim your sense of power is by helping others: volunteer your time, give blood, reach out to a friend in
need, or donate to your favorite charity. Taking positive action directly challenges the sense of helplessness that is a common
symptom of PTSD.

2. Get Moving : When you’re suffering from PTSD, exercise can do more than release endorphins and improve your mood and outlook.
By really focusing on your body and how it feels as you move, exercise can actually help your nervous system become “unstuck”
and begin to move out of the immobilization stress response.

Try:

Rhythmic exercise that engages both your arms and legs, such as walking, running, swimming, or dancing. Instead of focusing on
your thoughts, focus on how your body feels. Notice the sensation of your feet hitting the ground, for example, or the rhythm of your
breathing, or the feeling of the wind on your skin.

Rock climbing, boxing, weight training, or martial arts. These activities can make it easier to focus on your body movements—after
all, if you don’t, you could get hurt.

Spending time in nature. Pursuing outdoor activities like hiking, camping, mountain biking, rock climbing, whitewater rafting, and
skiing helps veterans cope with PTSD symptoms and transition back into civilian life. Anyone with PTSD can benefit from the
relaxation, seclusion, and peace that come with being out in nature. Seek out local organizations that offer outdoor recreation or

team-building opportunities.

3. Reach out to others for support: PTSD can make you feel disconnected from others. You may be tempted to withdraw from social
activities and your loved ones. But it’s important to stay connected to life and the people who care about you. You don’t have to talk
about the trauma if you don’t want to, but the caring support and companionship of others is vital to your recovery. Reach

out to someone you can connect with for an uninterrupted period of time, someone who will listen when you want to talk without
judging, criticizing, or continually getting distracted. That person may be your significant other, a family member, a friend, or a
professional therapist. Or you could try:

Volunteering your time or reaching out to a friend in need. This is not only a great way to connect to others, but can also help you
reclaim your sense of control.

Joining a PTSD support group. This can help you feel less isolated and alone and also provide invaluable information on how to cope
with symptoms and work towards recovery.

4. Support PTSD treatment with a healthy lifestyle: The symptoms of PTSD can be hard on your body so it’s important to take care of
yourself and develop some healthy lifestyle habits.

Take time to relax. Relaxation techniques such as meditation, deep breathing, massage, or yoga can activate the body’s relaxation
response and ease symptoms of PTSD.

Avoid alcohol and drugs. When you’re struggling with difficult emotions and traumatic memories, you may be tempted to self-
medicate with alcohol or drugs. But substance use worsens many symptoms of PTSD, interferes with treatment, and can add to
problems in your relationships.

Eat a healthy diet. Start your day right with breakfast, and keep your energy up and your mind clear with balanced, nutritious meals
throughout the day. Omega-3s play a vital role in emotional health so incorporate foods such as fatty fish, flaxseed, and walnuts
into your diet. Limit processed food, fried food, refined starches, and sugars, which can exacerbate mood swings and cause
fluctuations in your energy.

Get enough sleep. Sleep deprivation can trigger anger, irritability, and moodiness. Aim for somewhere between 7 to 9 hours of sleep
each night. Develop a relaxing bedtime ritual (listen to calming music, watch a funny show, or read something light) and make your
bedroom as quiet, dark, and soothing as possible.

Getting professional help for PTSD

If you suspect that you or a loved one has post-traumatic stress disorder, it’s important to seek help right away. The sooner PTSD is treated, the easier it is to overcome. If you’re reluctant to seek help, keep in mind that PTSD is not a sign of weakness, and the only way to overcome it is to confront what happened to you and learn to accept it as a part of your past. This process is much easier with the guidance and support of an experienced therapist or doctor.

It’s only natural to want to avoid painful memories and feelings. But if you try to numb yourself and push your memories away, PTSD will only get worse. You can’t escape your emotions completely—they emerge under stress or whenever you let down your guard—and trying to do so is exhausting. The avoidance will ultimately harm your relationships, your ability to function, and the quality of your life.

https://www.helpguide.org/articles/ptsd-trauma/ptsd-symptoms-self-help-treatment.htm

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder

Thu, 09 Jun 2022 16:40:56 GMT

What is Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder?

A psychiatric disorder that may occur in people who have experienced or witnessed a traumatic event such as a natural disaster, a serious accident, a terrorist act, war/combat, or rape or who have been threatened with death, sexual violence or serious injury.

PTSD has been known by many names in the past, such as “shell shock” during the years of World War I and “combat fatigue” after World War II, but PTSD does not just happen to combat veterans. PTSD can occur in all people, of any ethnicity, nationality or culture, and at any age.

PTSD affects approximately 3.5 percent of U.S. adults every year, and an estimated one in 11 people will be diagnosed with PTSD in their lifetime. Women are twice as likely as men to have PTSD. Three ethnic groups – U.S. Latinos, African Americans, and American Indians – are disproportionately affected and have higher rates of PTSD than non-Latino whites.

People with PTSD have intense, disturbing thoughts and feelings related to their experience that last long after the traumatic event has ended. They may relive the event through flashbacks or nightmares; they may feel sadness, fear or anger; and they may feel detached or estranged from other people.

People with PTSD may avoid situations or people that remind them of the traumatic event, and they may have strong negative reactions to something as ordinary as a loud noise or an accidental touch.

A diagnosis of PTSD requires exposure to an upsetting traumatic event. The exposure could be indirect rather than first hand. For example, PTSD could occur in an individual learning about the violent death of a close family or friend. It can also occur as a result of repeated exposure to horrible details of trauma such as police officers exposed to details of child abuse cases or any other instance where a person is repeatedly exposed to the distressing details of the trauma experienced by others.

Symptoms and Diagnosis

Symptoms of PTSD fall into the following four categories. Specific symptoms can vary in severity.

Intrusion: Intrusive thoughts such as repeated, involuntary memories; distressing dreams; or flashbacks of the traumatic event. Flashbacks may be so vivid that people feel they are re- living the traumatic experience or seeing it before their eyes.
Avoidance: Avoiding reminders of the traumatic event may include avoiding people, places, activities, objects and situations that may trigger distressing memories. People may try to avoid remembering or thinking about the traumatic event. They may resist talking about what happened or how they feel about it.
Alterations in cognition and mood: Inability to remember important aspects of the traumatic event, negative thoughts and feelings leading to ongoing and distorted beliefs about oneself or others (e.g., “I am bad,” “No one can be trusted”); distorted thoughts about the cause or consequences of the event leading to wrongly blaming self or other; ongoing fear, horror, anger, guilt or shame; much less interest in activities previously enjoyed; feeling detached or estranged from others; or being unable to experience positive emotions (a void of happiness or satisfaction).
Alterations in arousal and reactivity: Arousal and reactive symptoms may include being irritable and having angry outbursts; behaving recklessly or in a self-destructive way; being overly watchful of one's surroundings in a suspecting way; being easily startled; or having problems concentrating or sleeping.

Many people who are exposed to a traumatic event experience symptoms similar to those described above in the days following the event. For a person to be diagnosed with PTSD, however, symptoms must last for more than a month and must cause significant distress or problems in the individual's daily functioning. Many individuals develop symptoms within three months of the trauma, but symptoms may appear later and often persist for months and sometimes years. PTSD often occurs with other related conditions, such as depression, substance use, memory problems and other physical and mental health problems.

Treatment

It is important to note that not everyone who experiences trauma develops PTSD, and not everyone who develops PTSD requires psychiatric treatment. For some people, symptoms of PTSD subside or disappear over time. Others get better with the help of their support system (family, friends or clergy). But many people with PTSD need professional treatment to recover from psychological

distress that can be intense and disabling. It is important to remember that trauma may lead to severe distress. That distress is not the individual’s fault, and PTSD is treatable. The earlier a person gets treatment, the better chance of recovery.

Psychiatrists and other mental health professionals use various effective (research-proven) methods to help people recover from PTSD. Both talk therapy (psychotherapy) and medication provide effective evidence-based treatments for PTSD.

Other treatments including complementary and alternative therapies are also increasingly being used to help people with PTSD. These approaches provide treatment outside the conventional mental health clinic and may require less talking and disclosure than psychotherapy. Examples include acupuncture and animal-assisted therapy.

In addition to treatment, many people with PTSD find it very helpful to share their experiences and feelings with others who have similar experiences, such as in a peer support group.

https://www.ptsd.va.gov/publications/print/understandingptsd_booklet.pdf

Perfectionism: Overcoming All-or-Nothing Thinking

Tue, 24 May 2022 17:32:25 GMT

What Is Perfectionism?

Perfectionism is a set of self-defeating thought patterns that push you to achieve unrealistic goals, which you falsely believe to be attainable.

Why Is Perfectionism a Problem?

When perfectionism gets out of control or becomes obsessive, it can harm you both professionally and personally. Let's look at some of the most common problem areas you might experience if you are a maladaptive perfectionist:

General Health: According to research from the Journal of Counseling and Development, perfectionism is linked to health issues such as eating disorders, depression, migraines, anxiety, burnout , and personality disorders. The quest for perfection can also result in decreased energy, increased stress, and relationship problems. Another meta-analytic study concluded that perfectionism increases the risk of suicide ideation and attempts.

Self-Esteem: Perfectionism can seriously impact your self-esteem. This is because self-worth is often tied to achievement. You believe that other people judge you on your achievements. But, because you're rarely satisfied with what you do achieve due to your unrealistic high standards, you tend to believe that others think little of you and your ability.

This can lead to a downward spiral of self-criticism, blame and self-sabotage . It can also trigger Impostor Syndrome , as you often find "evidence" that you're not up to the job. You also risk harming other people's self-esteem by trying to control colleagues' behavior and being over-critical of their performance.

Productivity: Perfectionism can damage your productivity, as it often makes you more liable to procrastinate . If you're a perfectionist, you may find that you avoid starting a new project until you've found the absolute best way to approach it. You might also get caught up in minor details or make others repeat tasks that have already been completed because they aren't exactly right. This wastes time that could have been spent on other, more important tasks. In almost every situation, "progress is more important than perfection."

Creativity: Perfectionism can prevent you from leaving your comfort zone and taking risks. If you're afraid to make mistakes, it's difficult to generate new ideas and seize opportunities, and your creativity can suffer as a result.

Dealing With Perfectionism

The following seven strategies can help you to mitigate the negative effects of perfectionism:

Challenge Your Behavior - If you think that you have a problem with perfectionism, start by challenging your behavior and beliefs. List some of the things that you do that must be "perfect." Perhaps you feel that you need to check your work multiple times before turning it in, or you like to create overly detailed plans before you start a new project. Next to each behavior that you've listed, write down why you believe that this activity must be perfect. Perhaps you resist delegating tasks to a co-worker because you don't trust their ability. Or you stay late at the office to check their work when you could be relaxing at home or spending time on other projects. Finally, think about how you might overcome these behaviors or beliefs. For example, could you delegate one task a day, then review it just once to make sure that it's been done correctly?
Set Realistic Goals - Perfectionists often set their objectives so high that there's little hope of ever achieving them. Instead, learn how to set realistic goals . Think about your most important life and career goals. Then, break them down into smaller monthly or yearly steps. Not only will this make it easier to reach your objectives, but you'll also experience the thrill of achieving these smaller goals.
Listen to Your Emotions - If you're feeling anxious or unhappy about a task, your instincts may be telling you that you're trying to achieve the impossible. Listen to them and adjust your targets accordingly! Perfectionists are often prone to negative self-talk; your thoughts may become self-fulfilling prophecies. Remember, positive thinking is often associated with positive action and outcomes. Try using affirmations or thought awareness to question your negative thoughts and inject some positivity!
Don't Fear Mistakes - Mistakes are part of life. They show that you're not afraid to push yourself and try new things. In fact, they can provide rich learning experiences that teach you far more than a flawless performance. So, next time you make one, accept it, learn from it, and move on!
Readjust Your Personal Rules - Perfectionists often live by a rigid set of rules. Your rules might be to check every email at least three times before you send it, or to never leave a crumb on the kitchen counter. While it's great to have high personal standards, they must be flexible and helpful, rather than unrelenting and unrealistic. Identify one rule that you live by that's too rigid, and reword it to be more forgiving. For example, maybe you could reread only the most important emails before you send them.
Focus on the Bigger Picture - Perfectionism can cause "tunnel vision" – when you focus on one small part of something and ignore the rest. You might, for instance, obsess about getting a minor part of a presentation right, like the fonts or special effects, instead of concentrating on the substance and meaning that you are trying to convey. Remember to keep your focus on the bigger picture. Your failings will seem much less significant and you'll reduce the urge to be perfect.
Relax – Go With the Flow - The pursuit of perfection can make it extremely difficult to relax and be spontaneous. Perfectionists prefer to maintain focus and to stick rigidly to their carefully laid plans. But relaxation and spontaneity aren't just necessary for a healthy life; they can also improve your productivity and well-being. And you'll be better at keeping perfectionism under control if you're feeling rested, clear-headed and happy. Take regular breaks at work. Get outside, be open to new experiences and new people, make use of relaxation techniques, and recognize when you need to switch off.

https://www.mindtools.com/pages/article/perfectionism.htm

Improving Couples Communication

Thu, 19 May 2022 20:41:28 GMT

Complaints about a partner being “too controlling” are common in couples counseling. Whether you are too controlling or too passive, each of these behaviors is usually learned in our family of origin. Try this exercise for improving communication to see whether it does inspire better communication, improved assertiveness, less passivity, and more excitement in your relationship.

Observe your communication for a week, and notice when you are passive and nonassertive or overly controlling and uncompromising.
Challenge yourself to step back when you feel a need to control, or if you notice your reluctance to be assertive or remain passive, act to communicate your needs earlier. Keep a personal diary of observations and insights.
Stop blaming. When you blame, you become the victim. If you are the victim, then your partner must do all the changing. This is a recipe for no change at all.
Identify “triggers.” These are things partners do that trigger an unpleasant emotional response. If you do any, try eliminating them.
At the end of the week, share your notes and triggers, and discuss observations and your reactions to controlling or passive behavior over the past week.
Be sure to discuss insights and new awareness, what’s working better, changes each of you would like from the other, and how to keep progress moving in the right direction.
Decide upon a special reward for participating in this communication challenge.

http://www.wright.edu/sites/www.wright.edu/files/page/attachments/impact22017.pdf

Finding Time Alone

Thu, 12 May 2022 20:51:17 GMT

“Alone time” is time engaged in a solitary, uninterrupted, and satisfying behavior or activity that provides you a psychological boost. The goal is feeling refreshed despite a schedule of tightly woven work and home responsibilities. Parents, caregivers, or those with busy jobs and chain-linked to-do lists can find it difficult to schedule regular alone time. It’s easy to see alone time as only a “nice-to-have” activity or to avoid it altogether out of fear or guilt. However, alone time is a tool—a resiliency strategy—that can help you manage stress better, increase energy, and provide a positive point in the future to focus on while you are under stress in the present. Alone time improves mood, offers work-life balance, and renews your purpose.

How to Spend Time Alone

If you are thinking of spending some time alone, it is important to do so in ways that are beneficial to your mental well-being. Being alone is most beneficial when it is voluntary. It’s also important that you feel like you can return to your social world whenever you like.

Pick a time: Figure out when you’d like to spend some time alone. Plan that time into your schedule and make sure that other people know that they shouldn’t interrupt you during that time.
Turn off social media: Work on eliminating distractions, particularly ones that invite social comparisons. Your focus should be on your own thoughts and interests and not on what other people are doing.
Plan something: Not everyone is comfortable spending time alone, so you might find it helpful to plan out what you want to do. This might involve some relaxation time, exploring a favorite hobby, or reading a book.
Take a walk: Research has found that being outside can have a beneficial impact on wellbeing. If you're feeling cooped up and stifled from too much social interaction, spending a little time outdoors by yourself enjoying a change of scenery can have a restorative effect.

There is no correct amount of solo time that works for everyone. Think about things that you might like to do by yourself, then start practicing doing them alone.

Creating Space to Be Alone

Finding time to be alone isn’t always easy. Those around you may have differing social needs and may not understand your need for solitude. Family obligations and parenting responsibilities can also make it tough to carve out time to yourself. Some steps that you can’t take to ensure that you get the time you need:

Be clear: Tell the people around you, whether they are roommates, family members, or your partner, that you need time alone.
Be specific: Let people know about what this means. For example, you might say that you need a certain amount of uninterrupted time to read a book, watch a television show, or listen to a podcast.
Return the favor: If people are willing to take steps to ensure that you get some alone time, it is important for you to show them the same consideration. Offer to take on some responsibilities while they have some space to themselves.
Be flexible: If you are trying to find time for yourself when you don't live alone or your living in close quarters with other people, you'll probably need to be flexible and look for opportunities to carve out time for yourself.

Try waking up early in the morning to enjoy some peaceful time to yourself before others in the house start to wake. If that isn't an option, doing things like going for a walk outdoors or having other family members watch the kids or take over household duties while you take a break can be helpful.

See your EAP or a counselor to help you map an alone time strategy so you can reap all the positives it promises for your life.

https://www.verywellmind.com/how-important-is-alone-time-for-mental-health-5184607

https://eap.apsva.us/wp-content/uploads/sites/44/2018/04/EAP_NEWS_APR_-2018.pdf

Working Under Pressure

Mon, 09 May 2022 13:12:25 GMT

The first reaction most people have to the idea of working under pressure is dread. We’ve all been there, caught between a rock and a hard place with the need to deliver. There are people who can work under pressure quite well. Some even thrive on it.

The ability to work under pressure is a learned skill that has one overarching goal: Relief from feeling overwhelmed so you can focus and engage the work efficiently. Avoid obsessing over the large task at hand. Instead, break it into parts and give each part a mini-deadline.

Eliminate all potential distractions. Not doing so will ratchet up the pressure more. Use clocks, timers, or other devices to keep yourself moving and on track, but decide the most critical chunk of work you must do first. Start with what’s urgent and important. Schedule short breaks at specific times, even if they are only five minutes. These will help pull you through the stages of work faster. View a high-pressure work situation as a challenge to beat a deadline. This strategy produces energy and a competitive spirit with your deadline. Learn about yourself under pressure and how you respond to it. Take steps in the future to avoid procrastination, if it played a role.

https://eap.apsva.us/wp-content/uploads/sites/44/2019/03/EAP-April-2019-Newsletter.pdf

Functioning Under Pressure

Thu, 28 Apr 2022 15:12:04 GMT

Periodically, everyone experiences work pressure. When working under pressure, you experience a force (often a deadline) that requires you to accomplish more work at a speed that strains your ability to cope. With a faster-moving economy and downsizing, work pressure is more likely. Therefore, employers view employees who manage pressure well as valuable workers.

Managing work pressure is a learned skill. Assuming the quantity of work can’t be reduced, the dominant success strategy for managing work pressure lies in attitude—seeing work pressure as a challenge rather than an inescapable trap. This view of work pressure coincides with the old adage that “stress is between the ears.” Although this may not be completely true, what you think does affect your ability to cope. Why does it matter? With a positive attitude, your focus changes. You notice task completion and mini successes and fewer painful results of work pressure like drudgery, wear, and exertion. Work pressure becomes more bearable with a positive attitude and less

bearable without it. No coping strategy will make you immune to the stress of work pressure, but experimenting with an attitude change as a resilience strategy when you have no other option can make it more bearable to get through another day of work.

Learn more: “Performing Under Pressure: The Science of Doing Your Best When It Matters Most.”

https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/227816/performing-under-pressure-by-hendrie-weisinger-and-j-p-pawliw-fry/

https://eap.apsva.us/wp-content/uploads/sites/44/2018/01/EAP_NEWS_JAN_2018.pdf

EAP FAQ's

Fri, 22 Apr 2022 12:29:13 GMT

An Employee Assistance Program (EAP) is a voluntary, work-based, employer-sponsored program that offers free and confidential assessments, short-term counseling, referrals, and follow-up services to employees who have personal and/or work-related problems. EAPs address a broad and complex body of issues affecting mental and emotional well-being. EAP counselors also work in a consultative role with managers and supervisors to address employee and organizational challenges and needs.

What types of problems are seen through EAP? Although you may call for any type of concern, the most common problems include: problems with a supervisor or co- worker, depression or anxiety, grief and bereavement, family, marriage and other relationship issues, domestic violence, addictions (drug, alcohol, sexual, gambling, shopping, internet etc.), eating disorders, child and adolescent issues, child-parent problems, stress related illness, coping with chronic illness.
Who can use the EAP? In general, all employees and their dependents are eligible to use EAP services. Often, when one family member is experiencing some difficulties, it affects other family members as well. You can contact the EAP to verify your eligibility.
What are the EAP counselors qualifications? All EAP providers have a master’s degree/licensure in Social Work. Occasionally, second-year master’s of social work interns are utilized. All counselors are able to provide assessment, diagnosis, creation of a treatment plan, treatment, referrals, and follow-up.
Does using EAP affect my job? No record of your contact with EAP will be provided to your employer without your written consent. If your job performance is significantly affected, your supervisor may recommend EAP to you as a resource to help resolve any personal or work related problems that may have negatively impacted your performance. The goal is to improve your personal well- being and work performance. Again, no information is shared without your written consent and even with consent the only information that is shared is attendance, goals, and progress toward goals. What you and your counselor talk about is between you and your counselor.
How do I get started with EAP? Visit our website, www.clinicalassociates.org and click the “Request an Appointment” button or call our office at 607-936-1771. Our intake coordinators will ask you routine questions to help schedule you with the best counselor for your needs.
How quickly will I will be seen by an EAP counselor? We are committed to scheduling new referrals within 3-5 days, except in instances when the employee’s personal schedule prevents a visit within that time frame. Urgent situations may be scheduled within 24-48 hours. EAP is not a substitute for 911 emergency calls nor medical mental health, or any other life threatening crisis. These types of issues should be referred to 911 or the nearest emergency department.
How many sessions do I get? Most commonly, five sessions are available; however, there are some plans which offer more or less. When scheduling your first session we will let you know how many sessions are provided under your employer’s plan.
What happens if I use all of my available EAP sessions and I still need help? We are able to bill most insurances if additional sessions are needed to resolve your issue. You will be responsible for any co-pays associated with your insurance.
What happens at the first appointment? When you arrive, you will be asked to sign new client paperwork. These forms allow the counselor to gather important information and allows you the time to focus on the issues of most importance to you when you meet with your counselor. EAP provides counseling for a variety of issues that can be handled within a brief time frame. While some issues brought to EAP can be addressed within a few sessions, other issues are more complicated or longstanding, and cannot be handled within the scope of EAP. Your counselor will help you understand the anticipated timeframe for treatment and talk with you about your options beyond EAP, if needed.
Where are the EAP offices located? We have offices in Corning, Elmira, Ithaca, Bath, and a location opening in Horseheads in late 2022.

• 77 E. First St., Corning

• 311 W. Water St., Elmira

• 323 N. Tioga St., Ithaca

• 209 Liberty St., Bath

In-person, virtual and phone appointments are available.

Call or visit our website for any additional questions you may have.

Work stress: 5 Tension Busting Tips from Cognitive Behavioral Therapy

Thu, 07 Apr 2022 11:40:06 GMT

If you're stressed at work on a daily basis, you're not alone: job-related stress in America is on the rise, with more than eight in 10 US workers saying that their jobs are stressing them out. Our unsustainable definition of success has created a culture of burnout, and it's taking a toll on our well-being, creativity, productivity and corporate bottom lines.

And when it comes to getting through each workday with less stress, changing the way we work may begin with changing the way we think about work. Reframing our perspective can play a significant roll in reducing tension and anxiety, according to Dr. Frank Ghinassi, associate professor of psychiatry at the University of Pittsburgh.“Our emotions start with our interpretation of events," Ghinassi told the Huffington Post. "It’s not so much the facts that drive what we feel, it’s what we think about. It’s the cognitive interpretations we make about the events of our lives that ends up driving how we feel.”

Simple practices derived from Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) can help. Unlike some other forms of therapy, CBT -- an effective type of treatment for depression and anxiety disorders, according to the National Institute of Mental Health -- focuses on a patient's thoughts and beliefs, rather than her actions.

If you're experiencing stress at work, try these five CBT-inspired strategies to bring new perspective to your day and reduce the tension, negativity, self-criticism that can keep you from doing your best and most fulfilling work.

Building an Oasis: When you feel your attention wandering and your mind getting caught up in loops of worries and stressful thoughts, stepping away from your desk can help you center yourself and regain your focus. Ghinassi advises taking a quick break to "reset" yourself whenever you start feeling stressed, whether twice a day or as often as every 45 minutes. Try finding a quiet conference room, outdoor space, break room or stairwell where you can be alone and engage in one to four minutes of a calming exercise -- deep breathing, visualizing positive imagery, or listening to soothing music. (If you're not sure where to start, try Google searching breathing exercises.)
Prioritizing & Letting Go: When daily tasks begin to pile up, our stress levels rise to meet the increasing demands. Pausing to prioritize these tasks and let go of those that are less important can be a powerful way of reducing stress, says Ghinassi.

“For many of us at work, we buy into the illusion that we are capable of doing all of the things that are asked of us in exactly the time frame we’re being asked," says Ghinassi. "The first step is to reassess, cognitively, what our capacity is.”

To start, create a list of the 10-15 things that you need to accomplish that day, and rate how critical each task is. Three or four of the tasks will probably be absolutely crucial, and at least four or five will be comparatively unimportant. Then comes the letting go part: Accept that those few items at the bottom of the list are not only unlikely to ever be completed in the course of the day, but the truth of the matter is, they may not need to be done at all. Cross those items off the list and focus your attention on the most important matters.
Using Probability: The project is going to flop. My boss is going to kill me. I'm going to get fired. I won't be able to support my family.

Nearly all of us have been guilty, one time or another, of "catastrophizing" -- a type of thinking in which every perceived slip-up or failure leads to our downfall. In addition to stressing us out, this type of black-and-white thinking (either things will work out as we want them to, or everything will go horribly wrong) can lead to a sense of impending doom that probably isn't justified by the actual situation.

To keep these destructive thoughts at bay, Ghinassi suggests introducing probability into your thinking. When your mind starts spinning apocalyptic outcomes, ask yourself, “What’s the probability of something truly bad happening here?" In most cases, the probability will be very low. Then, once you've assessed the actual likelihood of a terrible outcome, ask yourself, “If there’s a one in 10 chance of the worst-case scenario happening, am I going to waste 30 minutes worrying about it? What do I feel that low-probability event deserves?" When you frame it this way, Ghinassi explains, catastrophic thinking turns from a compulsion into a conscious choice. You have every right to worry about the situation for as long as you want, but the question becomes, is this the way you want to spend your time?
Mood Monitoring: This simple CBT exercise is an effective way to recognize and challenge negative thought patterns.

Gather a pen and piece of paper, and allot yourself exactly two minutes. During that time, make three columns on the paper. In the first, write down the stressful or upsetting event (“Monday at 2 pm: presentation to board members"). In the second, write down the feelings you're experiencing in single words (unprepared, anxious) and rate them between 1 and 100, with 100 being completely overwhelming. In the third column, spend the rest of the two minutes writing every thought that's going through your head. Then fold the paper in half, and don't look at it again until 24 hours have passed. Once you've gotten out of that emotional headspace and have some distance from the situation, look back at what you wrote.

“I guarantee you that what you’re going to see are a lot of distorted, inaccurate, black-and-white, catastrophic thoughts," says Ghinassi. "We ask you to underline those and challenge them.” The idea here is to recognize themes that come up again and again, to challenge the thoughts and words you use to describe stress-inducing situations, and to calibrate your emotional reactions to them.
Cognitive Flip: When you feel out of control in a situation, curb your stress levels by reminding yourself of what you can control. Ask yourself what concrete actions, small or large, you can take to improve a particular situation -- even if you feel powerless, you can always control at least your own reactions. Focusing on what's within your power will remind you that you do have the ability to shape your own outcomes.

https://www.huffpost.com/entry/managing-work-stress_n_3454501

Patience Running Thin?

Thu, 31 Mar 2022 21:07:19 GMT

Patience is a learned skill, but unlearning patience can happen in our quick-to-deliver technological world. A study from the United Kingdom found that most people demonstrate a short fuse at 25 seconds for a red light, 16 seconds for a web page to load, and 28 seconds for a cup of tea to boil. Recapturing your sense of patience starts with awareness of how impatience increases stress and how undesirable experiencing anger can be.

Don’t get mad at technology or lose yourself to a fast-paced, hurry-up society. Instead, practice patience by challenging yourself when the opportunity appears. From red traffic lights to checkout lines, you will have plenty of opportunities to react as usual or rebel. Choose the slower line at a drive-in, the longer line at the checkout counter, or learn how to use waiting time to complete a to-do list or another cerebral task. While waiting, notice the world around you and enjoy escaping the pressure as you take back control over the push to be impatient. Celebrate taking charge, getting your life back, and having more resilience to withstand everyday life events we all find stressful. If pressure builds, breathe in slowly, hold it a few seconds, and exhale slowly to reinforce a relaxed feeling.

Make yourself wait. The best way to practice patience is to make yourself wait. A study published in Psychological Science shows that waiting for things actually makes us happier in the long run. Start with something small like waiting a few extra minutes to drink that milkshake and then move on to something bigger. You will begin to gain more patience as you practice.
Stop Doing Things That Aren't Important. We all have things in our lives that take time away from what is important. One way of removing stress from our lives is to stop doing those things. Take a few minutes and evaluate your week. Look at your schedule from when you wake up to the time you go to sleep. Take out two or three things that you do that aren't important but take time. It's time to learn to say no to things that cause stress and make us impatient.
Be Mindful of the Things Making You Impatient. Most people have several tasks in their head, and they jump from thought to thought without taking the time to finish one task first. We live interrupted lives as we try to multitask and it is frustrating when we feel we aren't making progress. It is better to be mindful of our thoughts and the best way to understand this is to write down what makes you impatient. This will help you slow down and focus on one task at a time and remove those things that stress you out.

Using Your Breath to Manage Stress

Fri, 25 Mar 2022 12:33:22 GMT

Controlled deep breathing is standard in stress management training, and knowing why it works can have you doing it more often. One reason deep, slow breaths work so well is brain physiology. When you deep breathe, you use a different part of your brain to control your chest muscles instead of the part of your brain experiencing the “fight or flight” reaction to stress: the amygdala. Your awareness of what’s going on with your body improves instantly. This calms you in addition to the stretching sensation in your muscles associated with the chest wall. The opposite state of stress is the relaxation response. This includes deep breathing, which is a direct intervention. This is

what makes it more powerful than other relaxation methods that are often misperceived as effective, such as stress eating, smoking, plopping down in front of the TV, or drinking alcohol. Deep breathing is appropriate anytime, but especially when you notice that you are under stress. Monitor the frequency of your attempts at stress management breathing to increase the frequency of its use.

Deep Breathing:

Most people take short, shallow breaths into their chest. It can make you feel anxious and zap your energy. With this technique, you'll learn how to take bigger breaths, all the way into your belly.

Get comfortable. You can lie on your back in bed or on the floor with a pillow under your head and knees. Or you can sit in a chair with your shoulders, head, and neck supported against the back of the chair.
Breathe in through your nose. Let your belly fill with air.
Breathe out through your mouth.
Place one hand on your belly. Place the other hand on your chest.
5. As you breathe in, feel your belly rise. As you breathe out, feel your belly lower. The hand on your belly should move more than the one that's on your chest.
Take three more full, deep breaths. Breathe fully into your belly as it rises and falls with your breath.

Strengthen Your Family Bond

Thu, 17 Mar 2022 17:55:31 GMT

When we don’t spend time with our family, we fail to nurture the relationships that matter most. Even though work and busy schedules may try to get in the way, it’s important that you make building better relationships a priority in your household.

Ways to Spend More Time Together

When a busy day bogs you down, it’s easy to forget to spend time with those who are most important. However, by initiating simple routines at home, you can make sure that you take substantial time each day to connect with your loved ones:

Dedicate the first fifteen minutes after you arrive home from work to check in with your children. Share one good thing and one bad thing that happened during your day and support each other when needed.
Make notes on a family calendar about when you will spend private time with each child. “Date night” with mom or dad can become the highlight of the child’s week.
Dedicate an hour after dinner or after your children go to sleep to spend time alone with your spouse.

Connect During Family Meetings

It isn’t healthy for any family to hold in irritation. Instead, make time for a meeting each week to talk about what’s going on within the family. This would be a great time for children to talk about how they feel about a particular chore, or for parents to share how they feel about their load of housework. Encourage everyone to talk about their feelings openly.

Schedule Family Outings and Trips

Shared activities are a great way for the family to spend time with one another. Plan fun events like going to a park, museum, camping

or a kayaking trip. If your child enjoys extracurricular activities, those can be a great time for everyone in the family to spend time

together, watching and supporting. Later, the whole family can, the whole family can go out to eat or grab ice cream to share stories about the event.

Handle an Argument in a Positive Way

If an argument flares up, use the time constructively. Stick to the issue at hand without bringing up past problems. Work on finding a solution to the problem. Instead of bickering over little annoyances, try to give a little and compromise to help the family move forward.

Listen to Differing Perspectives

Genuinely listen to the other person’s point of view and then talk about your feelings on the same issues. Tell the other person that you

value his or her feelings and want to understand his or her perspective. This will encourage the other person to do the same

for you and help you find a compromise for everyone.

Accept Feelings and Work Toward Solutions

No matter how trivial an issue seems, value the other person’s feelings and opinion of it. Listen to feelings and hurts, and then find

ways to work through conflict and find solutions. Agree on solutions, and then implement changes.

https://mailchi.mp/firstsuneap.com/employee-nl-0222

Facing an Anniversary of a Traumatic Event

Fri, 11 Mar 2022 16:05:20 GMT

Do you experience anxiety, depression, or sadness during the anniversary of a personal or traumatic event? This is an “anniversary effect” around the date or season when a loved one passed, an assault occurred, or an accident happened. Local or national tragedies may also prompt anniversary effects. As an employee, you may find it challenging to work or you may lack the motivation to complete your

assignments during such a time. If you experience a difficult time when a painful anniversary comes around, ease your emotional distress with an action plan:

Don’t deny or ignore the upcoming date of the event in an attempt to suppress a reaction to it,
Identify relationships that feel supportive, and plan to socialize with these people during this time,
Consider engaging in a symbolic gesture of healing - for example, planting a tree or adding a special plant to a garden if the loss is a significant personal loss, like that of a loved one,
Avoid news stories during the anniversary period that may prompt unnecessary flashbacks or feelings of reliving the event or incident,
Take care of yourself. Make healthful decisions, and do some self-nurturing during the period of the anniversary to help you ensure a proper diet, sleep and rest, stress management, and leisure time.
Visit your EAP for guidance on implementing any of these tips, self-care strategies, and other support you might need.

https://www.esboces.org/cms/lib/NY01914091/Centricity/Domain/223 Jan%2022%20Pathways%20Newsletter%20Employees.pdf

10 Things to Do When You Feel Stress, Anxiety, and Fear About World Events

Thu, 03 Mar 2022 19:05:34 GMT

You might not be able to control what’s going on in the world, but you can control how you react to these new changes.

If you’re feeling stress, anxiety, fear, or even anger about what’s going on in the world right now, you’re not alone, and what you’re experiencing is completely normal. With so many changes flooding into our daily lives all at once, it’s easy for negative emotions to take

control when we simultaneously feel so much is out of our control.

However, one thing that is always constant is our ability to take care of ourselves and control our reactions to what we’re experiencing. Self-care is extremely important right now, and it’s key in coping with anxiety, fear, and other uncomfortable emotions.

When you’re feeling pressure from anxiety and uncertainty:

Reach out to your family and friends through phone calls, messaging, and video chat. Even if you’re an introvert by nature and are normally quite happy on your own, keeping in touch with loved ones may feel more important than usual due to the added stress of world events.
Stretch your body and shrug off your worries with yoga. Exercise is a great tool for coping with stress, but yoga has been proven to be exceptionally effective for stress management. Spending 30 minutes or more practicing yoga will not only keep you active, but it’ll also help you combat anxiety by helping you feel more grounded. You can find hundreds of free guided yoga sessions on YouTube, including routines specifically designed for stress relief.
Reflect on other hardships you’ve experienced and how you overcame them. When you find yourself feeling afraid of the unknown, remind yourself of the past obstacles you’ve overcome in your life. Remember how anxious or scared you felt and how you were able to defeat it. You may be able to use those same healthy coping tactics to help you now.
Turn off the news and put on a movie that makes you laugh or smile. While it’s important to stay up to date with the news, spending all of your time watching the news can spike your anxiety and make you feel worse about what’s going on. Turn off the news and put on a movie you love, preferably a comedy. Why? Laughing offers a number of short-term and long-term stress relieving benefits, including boosting your immune system, releasing endorphins, and relieving feelings of anxiety or depression.
Remind yourself that everyone experiences hardships differently. It’s easy to compare your emotions to others. Maybe you feel very worried but a family member doesn’t seem concerned at all. Or perhaps you’re a little anxious but a friend is borderline panicking. Rather than wondering if you’re overreacting or underreacting, simply accept that however you’re feeling is natural. This is especially true if you’re feeling like you’re having a much harder time coping than others. Consider that other things going on in your life may be making these current events much more difficult for you to cope with. For example, maybe you’ve been let go from your job, but your friend who seems so calm is an essential worker with job security. Feeling stressed about finances and a new job search is absolutely normal.
Grab a journal and write down how you’re feeling. Journaling and expressive writing are proven tools for fighting stress and anxiety. Getting your feelings down on paper is very therapeutic. In fact, many people will feel a significant release of tension after just 10 to 15 minutes of writing. Journaling can also help you better understand your own emotions and why you may be feeling the way you do. You can use cognitive behavioral therapy prompts for additional help.
Relax your mind and nourish your body by experimenting with new, healthy recipes. The food you put into your body plays a big role in how you feel emotionally. Diets high in sugar, processed foods, and unhealthy fats correlate to anxiety, stress, depression, and even addiction. Rather than eating a pint of ice cream or a bag of chips when you’re feeling down, look up a healthy recipe and head to the kitchen. Not only will a healthy meal or snack protect your mental and physical health, but science shows that the act of cooking and baking also helps relieve stress.
Create a realistic daily routine centered around self-care. Having a daily routine helps us in multiple ways, from keeping stress at bay to ensuring we eat a healthy diet and get enough sleep. You don’t need to follow a strict schedule to benefit from having a routine. Rather than planning your day by the hour, focus more on what responsibilities you need to take care of every day and set aside blocks of time to also practice self-care. Keep your routine flexible, and if something doesn’t work or seems to add stress, change it until you’re happy.
Take regular breaks from social media and be conscious of nonfactual information being spread. There’s a strong link between constant social media use and stress. Social media makes it easy to keep in touch with family and what’s going on in the world, but it also can be a huge trigger for anxiety, anger, and frustration. Social media is also fraught with incorrect information that spreads like wildfire. Use social media to check in with your loved ones and share a positive post, but consider taking a break from it otherwise.
Practice mindfulness during everyday activities, such as drinking a cup of coffee. Mindfulness exercises help us relieve stress and think more clearly. You can practice mindfulness through meditation and breathing exercises, but you can also do it during your everyday activities by focusing on being as present in the moment as possible. When you drink your morning coffee, close your eyes and really savor the experience of the sound of your coffee maker dripping, the aroma of the coffee, the sound of your spoon on the sides of the cup as you stir in your creamer, or the heat against your nose before you take a sip. Thinking about every step instantly makes you feel more grounded, and with practice, you’ll feel your anxiety slip away.

Remember that even unfortunate events trigger potentially wonderful new changes in our lives.

The Greek philosopher Heraclitus said, “Change is the only constant in life.” The changes you’re experiencing right now can be stressful, overwhelming, or downright scary, but if one thing is for certain, it’s that it will pass.

Rather than viewing the current situation as nothing but a negative event, consider what positive events may follow it. You may develop an even closer relationship with your family or your spouse. You may find that you’re actually a much stronger person than you thought. Even losing your job may be a blessing in disguise, as you find a new position that is even more rewarding.

https://2thdoc.org/10-things-to-do-stress-about-world-events/

The Little Voice in Your Head

Fri, 25 Feb 2022 14:03:01 GMT

We all have it; learn to quiet it

Whether we are conscious of it or not, we go around all day talking to ourselves. We interpret everything we experience and encounter. Our perception is due to that little voice in our heads. It tells us why something happened, how we should respond, and what to think of ourselves and others. This internal conversation is called “self talk.”

Self-talk assigns labels to everything: This is great, irritating, awesome, terrible, boring etc. So what’s the problem with that? Well, self-talk can sometimes be inaccurate, too harsh or jump to conclusions. When this happens, it is called negative self-talk.

We all have negative self-talk sometimes. The problem is that our thoughts directly lead to how we feel. Negative self-talk = negative feelings. We get into a pattern of thinking it and believing it without stepping back to examine the evidence or look at it from a different perspective.

Being able to catch negative self talk is critical. The good news is that all negative self-talk has the same pattern. The words themselves box you and others in, leaving no room for possibilities or solutions. Negative self-talk exaggerates, are inaccurate or focus solely on the negative aspects.

There is no use I can’t do it
People won’t like me
I’m not enough
I must be perfect
People always let me down
I’ll never be enough
Should be this way

Challenging self-talk means testing it for accuracy.

Reality testing

What is the evidence for and against my thinking?
Is it a fact or an interpretation?
Am I jumping to conclusions?
How can I find out if my thought is true?

Alternative explanations

What are the other ways to look at this?
What else could this mean?

Perspective

Is this situation as bad as it feels?
What is the worst that can happen?...how likely will it occur?
What is the best that can happen?
What is likely to happen? Will this matter in five years?

Goal Directed Thinking

Is thinking this way helpful?
What can I do to solve the problem?
What can I learn from this situation for next time?

Learning to challenge negative self talk takes some practice but the pay off is big in that it will positively impact your mood and conflict

management skills.

Recognize it when we hear it, “Oh, that is negative self-talk”, and work to not simply accept it at face value. Pay attention to what you are tell yourself, because after all, you are listening!

https://city.milwaukee.gov/ImageLibrary/User/jkamme/EAP/EAP_Newsletter_2017_March.pdf

Toxic Personalities

Fri, 18 Feb 2022 14:22:01 GMT

When many different personalities and work styles come together, it can lead to greater creativity, innovation, and productivity. However, those differences can be challenging. Some aggressive personality types can become toxic, dragging down your efforts and your whole work environment. What’s toxic? Coworkers who routinely display toxic behavior might:

Take credit for their coworkers’ ideas
Get angry when things don’t go their way
Criticize or embarrass others publicly
Regularly fail to perform job duties, often at others’ expense
Lie or gossip about coworkers
Show disrespect for their workplace

If you work with someone who regularly exhibits behaviors such as these, you can’t necessarily change them. But, you can keep their negativity from affecting your own positive outlook and job performance. For example:

Rise above it. No matter what is going on around you, focus on your job and make the best effort you can.
Avoid blame. Recognize that you are not to blame for the toxic person’s behavior; take responsibility only for your own actions, not those of others.
Don’t join them. Negative behavior can be contagious, particularly in the workplace. Don’t add to the toxic atmosphere by gossiping, complaining or retaliating.
Reframe. Try to separate the person from the personality as it affects work. Focus on what you can do to solve the problem or change the situation, without engaging with the person.

Important: If a coworker is making verbal or physical threats, stealing from the company, or otherwise compromising safety and security at work, promptly report such activities to a supervisor or human resource personnel. Some behaviors are more than toxic—they can be

dangerous and illegal.

Source: Personal Best, a registered trademark of Ebix. (September 2019) TP Top Performance

Building Confidence

Fri, 11 Feb 2022 13:09:14 GMT

Six Tips for Building Self-Confidence

Self-confidence is defined as a feeling of trust in one’s abilities, qualities, and judgment. Research suggests that it is important to your health and psychological well-being.

Confidence can refer to a general sense of belief and trust in your own ability to control your life, or it might be more situation-specific. For example, you might have high self-confidence in an area of expertise but feel less confident in other areas.

Having a healthy level of self-confidence can help you become successful in your personal and professional life. It can play a role in your motivation to pursue your goals and affect how you present yourself to other people. Research has found, for example, that people who are more confident tend to be more academically successful.

Fortunately, there are things you can do to boost your self-confidence. Whether you lack confidence in one specific area or you struggle to feel confident about anything, these strategies can help.

Stop comparing yourself to others. Whether you compare how you look to your friends on Instagram or you compare your salary to your friend’s income, comparisons aren’t healthy. In fact, a 2018 study published in Personality and Individual Differences found a direct link between envy and the way you feel about yourself. Researchers found that people who compared themselves to others experienced envy. And the more envy they experienced, the worse they felt about themselves. If you’re feeling envious of someone else’s life, remind yourself of your own strengths and successes. Consider keeping an ongoing gratitude journal to help you focus on your own life and not the lives of others.
Surround yourself with positive people. Pay attention to how your friends make you feel. Do your friends lift you up or bring you down? Are they constantly judging you or do they accept you for who you are? The people you spend time with influence your thoughts and attitudes about yourself more than you think. If you feel bad about yourself after hanging out with a particular person, it may be time to say goodbye.
It’s hard to feel good about yourself if you’re abusing your body. On the other hand, if you practice self-care, you know you're doing something positive for your mind, body, and spirit and you'll naturally feel more confident as a result.
Be kind to yourself. Self-compassion involves treating yourself with kindness when you make a mistake, fail, or experience a setback. It's a way of relating to yourself that allows you to become more emotionally flexible and better able to navigate challenging emotions, and enhances your connection to self and others. Researchers have linked the ability to relate to ourselves in a compassionate way to self-confidence. A 2009 study published in the Journal of Personality found that self-compassion contributes to more consistent confidence. So the next time you're in a challenging situation, recognize that being imperfect or falling short at times is a part of living. Do your best to navigate these experiences with self-compassion.
Practice positive self-talk. Using self-talk that is optimistic can help you foster self-compassion, overcome self-doubt, and take on new challenges. On the other hand, negative self-talk can limit your abilities and lessen your confidence by convincing your subconscious that you "can't handle it" or that something is "too hard" and you "shouldn't even try.” The next time you begin to think that you have no business speaking up in a meeting or that you are too out of shape to work out, remind yourself that your thoughts aren’t always accurate. Examples of how to challenge pessimistic self-talk and reframe your thoughts into a more positive way of thinking:

• Instead of "I can't handle this," or "This is impossible," try reminding yourself that "You can do it," or "all I have to do is try."

• Instead of "I can't do anything right" when you make a mistake, remind yourself "I can do better next time," or "at least I learned something."

• Instead of you "hate" public speaking, use a milder word like "don't like," and remind yourself that everyone has strengths and weaknesses.

6. Face your fears. Stop putting things off (like asking someone on a date or applying for a promotion) until you feel more confident. The best way to build your confidence is by facing your fears head-on. Practice facing some of your fears that stem from a lack of s self-confidence. If you’re afraid you’ll embarrass yourself or you think that you’re going to mess up, try it anyway. Tell yourself it’s just an experiment and see what happens. You might learn that being a little anxious or making a few mistakes isn’t as bad as you thought. And each time you move forward, you can gain more confidence in yourself, which in the end, will help prevent you from taking any risks that will result in any major negative consequences.

Having self-confidence can bring many benefits at home, at work, and within your relationships. Here's a look at a few of the positive effects of self-confidence:

• Better performance: Rather than waste time and energy worrying that you aren't good enough, you can devote your energy to your efforts. Ultimately, you'll perform better when you feel confident.

• Healthy relationships: Having self-confidence not only impacts how you feel about yourself, but it helps you better understand and love others. It also gives you the strength to walk away if you're not getting what you deserve.

• Openness to try new things: When you believe in yourself, you're more willing to try new things. Whether you apply for a promotion or sign up for a cooking class, putting yourself out there is a lot easier when you have confidence in yourself and your abilities.

• Resilience: Believing in yourself can enhance your resilience, or ability to bounce back from any challenges or adversities you face in life

https://www.verywellmind.com/how-to-boost-your-self-confidence-4163098

So Much to Do

Fri, 04 Feb 2022 12:22:33 GMT

Numerous distractions interfere with everyday work. Constant emails, to-dos, and competing needs of those with whom we must communicate grab at our attention. If you are only skimming the surface of what has to be accomplished, you may be a victim of a work habit called “reactionary workflow.” Reactionary workflow is responding to what’s constantly in front of you and demanding your attention. The result is only skimming the surface of your to-do list and barely touching the most important work. Reactionary workflow is a problem of the modern workplace because technology keeps a conveyor belt of information, issues, problems, and needs coming at us full speed—both personal and business related— 24/7.

To reduce reactionary workflow, practice these interventions:

Make a list of absolutely-must-get-done items with the time needed to complete them each day.
Schedule them. Set blocks of time each day to check/respond to email, return phone calls, work on “must-get-done” items.
Open your notepad or WordPad tool on your computer and paste incoming urgent items to this list.
Spend the last hour of your day responding to this list of items.

This system is not a cure-all, but with practice, it can help turn the table on reactionary workflow.

Resource: Frontline—Employee Wellness, Productivity & You! Frontline newsletter is courtesy of the New York State Employee Assistance Program.

Road to Resilience

Fri, 28 Jan 2022 16:21:51 GMT

Finding ways to develop a strong sense of resiliency may help you to more easily and more naturally overcome challenges when they occur. Here are some ideas from the American Psychological Association:

Don’t be afraid to accept help and support from people who care about you and will listen.
Accept change as a part of life. Accepting situations that you can’t change can help you focus on circumstances that you can change.
Try looking beyond what’s happening in the difficult moment to see how the future may be better.
Develop some realistic goals. Do something regularly—even if it is a small step—that moves you toward your goals.
Build confidence in your ability to solve problems and trust your instincts to help build resilience.
Put things in perspective. Avoid blowing an event out of proportion.
Keep a positive outlook about your future. Think about what you want instead of worrying about what scares you.
Take care of your needs and feelings. Focus on activities that you enjoy and find relaxing.

Source: Personal Best, a registered trademark of Ebix. (November 2017) TP Top Performance

Motivation

Fri, 21 Jan 2022 13:23:46 GMT

If you lack motivation, you might feel bored, unfocused, or tired. Half the day might float by before you realize you haven’t accomplished much—followed by guilt or even panic as you fall behind but can’t figure out how to catch up. Break the chain by keeping motivation high.

Try these five steps:

Break down jobs. If possible, divide big tasks that can appear overwhelming into small chunks that you can accomplish in an hour or less, giving your sense of accomplishment a lift.
See the big picture. Think about how your work impacts coworkers and clients. Making a difference is a great motivator.
Set goals you can reach. Make them achievable and realistic.
Mix it up. If possible, vary your tasks or try a new approach to routine work.
Reward yourself for crossing tasks off your to-do list. Treat yourself to a social outing, a session on social media, or put a dollar in a special account. Sometimes the best reward is the satisfaction you get from a job completed. What can you check off your list today?

Source: Personal Best, a registered trademark of Ebix. (September 2018) TP Top Performance

Find Your Happy Place

Thu, 13 Jan 2022 13:27:42 GMT

Happiness is a state of well-being that we all strive to experience, though many of us struggle to explain what it means to be truly happy.

In general, we might all agree that happiness is a positive emotion, or how we feel at a particular moment in time, yet genuine happiness is a little more difficult to describe. Discovering what genuine happiness is for yourself may come from having a sense of meaning and purpose, deep satisfaction, and profound contentment. In the midst of such challenging times it can be especially hard to stay positive and focus on being happy, but there are some valuable—and smart—reasons why we need to try. Let’s take a look at the benefits and how you can invite more delight into your life and feel more fulfilled each day result.

The Benefits of Being Happy

Feeling good is one thing, but research shows that being happy is more beneficial with respect to physical health and mental and emotional well-being. In addition, having a positive outlook generates greater life satisfaction, enriches our relationships, and can even affect our success. Being happier can lead to:

An easier life. Individuals who have a positive attitude are better able to navigate life’s hurdles, deal with grief, and bounce back from adversity than their less positive peers. Happy people tend to be more creative and productive, and when it comes to work, friends, marriage, and finances, they are more likely to encounter success. In addition, happy people are typically content with what they have and are less inclined to envy others or want for more.
Better relationships. Happy people have more friends and stronger bonds with those closest to them. They engage in more meaningful conversations, and others look forward to interacting with someone who brings positivity wherever they go. They also tend to be more supportive of others and are more willing to lend a helping hand.
More positivity. Positive individuals inspire positivity which can have a great influence on others. Positive energy is contagious and spreading more of it can be as simple as smiling at a coworker, complimenting a stranger, offering an optimistic solution to a loved one’s problem, or giving the benefit of the doubt to a slow driver instead of getting angry.
Improved health. Happy people are more likely to adopt good habits, get more sleep, and make healthier choices. They exercise more, eat better, get sick less often (and experience fewer symptoms when they do), and tend to live longer.

Tips for Adopting a Happier, More Fulfilling Lifestyle

Choose happiness. It may sound strange, but happiness is a choice. When something doesn’t go your way, you can choose to get upset, or you can choose to reset and move forward.
Practice gratitude and show appreciation. Each night, reflect on your day and acknowledge at least one thing you’re grateful for. Encourage your family members to do the same by starting a daily gratitude routine together. Demonstrate your appreciation for others with a note, a verbal thank-you, or another simple gesture such as a smile or a hug.
Journal. Regularly write down all the positive things that you encounter day-to-day. Not only will you have a happiness diary to reflect on, reading past entries will make you smile about those things again and keep the positivity front of mind.
Be mindful of what matters to you. Life is too short to do things that can steal your joy. While we can’t love everything we have to do each day, it is possible to strike a balance. Do more of what you love, be conscious of what can drag you down, and for those things that must get done that we don’t always like to do, try focusing on the positive benefits of the task to help ensure you’re leading the satisfying, fulfilling life you deserve.

https://foh.psc.gov/fohservices/bhs/campaigns/2020/1220-EAP_Consortium_Newsletter.pdf

Self-Compassion

Thu, 06 Jan 2022 15:13:30 GMT

With all the talk about “self-care,” it can be easy to think that if we just do things to treat ourselves, we will feel happier and enjoy life more. At the same time, fitting in all of these recommended self-care tasks while also managing life can seem overwhelming. Where should you start?

How about shifting focus from what you do to what you want to be?

TO BE OR NOT TO BE

Compassion means “to suffer with.” Most people experience compassion at some point, whether it’s result of seeing a sad story on the news or listening to a loved one’s difficulties. This experience can often motivate actions, as well. For example, you might donate to a cause or offer kind words to a loved one.

What we so often fail to do is offer a loving response to ourselves.

Self-compassion involves viewing and treating yourself in a different way. Instead of judgment, criticism, and cruelty, it is possible to offer yourself kindness and understanding. Choosing to be loving toward yourself is not weak, narcissistic, selfish, or complacent. Actually, research has shown that those who practice self-compassion:

Showed more strength in adjusting to difficult situations in life, earlier and with more lasting effects.
Have a more emotionally stable view of themselves whether praise or criticism is received. result, we may feel scared, irritable, angry, and exhausted.
Were perceived as more caring, accepting, and encouraging of autonomy by partners in intimate relationships.
Are more motivated to engage in positive change.

CHOOSE COMPASSION

Choosing to treat yourself with compassion is not based on your confidence, feelings, success, or any other factor. It is a choice. This choice acknowledges that life is full of all kinds of experiences and feelings: sadness, anger, happiness, disappointment, confusion, satisfaction, and grief to name a few. The goal, then, is to be caring toward yourself in any and all situations, which includes paying attention to how you speak to yourself.

Here are some simple ways to be kind to yourself:

Consider how you would respond to a friend, small child, or animal, and offer yourself a similar response.
Remember that everyone suffers. You are not alone, and there is not necessarily anything “wrong” with you.
Give yourself permission to be imperfect.
Speak with a supportive person, whether that is a friend, family member, or mental health professional.

Since we are human beings (not human doings), don’t just do self-care, be aware, compassionate, and present.

https://eap.sccgov.org/sites/g/files/exjcpb1066/files/eap-nwslttr-sprg-2020.pdf

Developing Empathy

Fri, 17 Dec 2021 12:39:41 GMT

This pandemic presents many reasons to expect greater empathy from each other. Since the crisis began, we’ve heard heart-wrenching stories about those we care about losing loved ones, getting sick, or losing their jobs. We also feel for people who are outside of our communities, such as the elderly, working class, and essential and frontline workers, all of whom are more vulnerable to COVID-19 With suffering surrounding us, we find reason to ask ourselves: “What can I do to help?”

However, juggling kids, working from home, parental caregiving and homeschooling, can make it challenging to turn good intentions into positive actions. Why? Because unlike previous crises, such as Hurricane Katrina, 9/11, or the Sandy Hook elementary school shooting among so many others, the pandemic directly affects us all. Even if traumatic loss hasn’t knocked on our door, we’re caught in a whirlpool of anxiety and danger about a deadly virus, feeling isolated during the stay-at-home orders, or contending with greater domestic strife.

According to researchers, grief, stress, and uncertainty catapult the body into survival mode, scrambling our emotional radar in the limbic region of our brain, making it harder to feel for others. These conditions also impact the prefrontal cortex that fosters rational thought, the kind that helps us step back and take in another person’s perspective before responding. Empathy is both feeling for, and imagining another person’s point of view. For many of us, living in a pandemic makes it that much harder to empathize with others. That said, the pandemic doesn’t need to turn us into empathy withholders, because we can do a lot to alleviate this problem:

Accept the present. We can become the caring people we were prior to COVID-19 by honoring the ways the pandemic has turned our lives upside down.

First, we must acknowledge how the pandemic has affected us. A recent survey conducted by the Kaiser Family Foundation found that nearly 50 percent of Americans believe the crisis has impacted their mental health. As a result, we may feel scared, irritable, angry, and exhausted.

Being able to identify and name these feelings releases neurotransmitters in the brain that quiets the body’s “fight-or-flight” response, which typically springs into action during times of stress. Once the body is no longer on high alert, we can tune in to other people’s experiences and suffering. As paradoxical as it may seem, research shows that self awareness enhances our awareness of others, too.

Prioritize self-care. When stress is constant and life is unpredictable, self-care can go out the window. However, tending to our own needs expands our ability to care for others. Now, this doesn’t mean we should overly indulge and drink our troubles away while the world around us crumbles. But it’s scientifically proven that spending time outdoors, listening to music, or practicing mindfulness can calm and nourish the soul.

The good news: we don’t need to block off hours each day for self-care. As with any new goal, starting small can make a difference. To begin, consider taking ten minutes to step away from stimulation, like social media, and replace scrolling through Instagram with a soothing activity. Not only will doing so improve your mental health, it will also benefit the well-being of those around you.

Adjust to the situation. During this unprecedented time, we have fewer impromptu discussions with colleagues, friends, or neighbors that might reveal their grief. Even those closest to us might find themselves turning inward, because they’re feeling exhausted, anxious, depressed, or numb.

In order to be a resource to others, we have to actively seek them out. That means checking-in regularly with our loved ones via text, phone or Zoom, and cutting past small talk by asking, “What have you read or watched this week that you enjoyed or hated?” or “What feels different about this week from last week?” or “What surprises you about living with your family (or working alone, or being designated an ‘essential’ worker?”

We might also make an extra effort to smile behind our masks, and inquire about the well-being of service workers in the stores,

post office, and in medical settings. Make a mindful decision to connect, knowing that as tired and exhausted as you may feel, others may be feeling worse. We have to invest in the karma of kindness, in order to reap its rewards.

Get creative. Once you’re mentally prepared to be present for someone else, consider how you want to help. In the past, you may have been the chef who made and provided homemade meals, the caretaker who took care of your friend’s kids, or the listener who stopped at the drop of a hat to console a suffering colleague. However, these times call for some ingenuity.

If you’re tired, consider penning a text, instead scheduling a virtual happy hour. Feeling bored? Consider creating and mailing a

card, instead of sending another kissy-face emoji. If you’re sheltering in place, think of ways to help unemployed friends by offering

to connect them with others, read their resume, or loan out funds if you can spare them. Another idea, sing to a loved one on voicemail, or share a soothing mantra. Life has been turned upside down; let’s make the most of it by mixing up how we deliver empathy.

When life is tough, empathy can be hard to muster. Acknowledging this challenge is the first step in making a more conscientious effort to connect with others. To do this, you have to make self-care a discipline, which means tending to your needs, even when you don’t feel like it. When we feel nurtured, we can then extend more to those around us. This may mean being more demonstrative with those you encounter, reaching out to loved ones more regularly, or engaging in community service by donating to charities and organizations in need.

These emotional exercises will help build an empathy muscle that grows stronger each week. We need each other now, and that won’t disappear. We may not have a vaccine for the virus, but empathy and love are strong elixirs that can help us survive this unchartered time.

https://www.nbcnews.com/know-your-value/feature/4-ways-develop-more-empathy-during-difficult-time-ncna1224046#anchor-Prioritizeselfcare

Mental Health During the Holidays

Thu, 09 Dec 2021 21:52:56 GMT

The holidays can be a joy-filled season, but they can also be stressful and especially challenging for those impacted by mental illness.

A NAMI study showed that 64% of people with mental illness report holidays make their conditions worse. “For many people the holiday season is not always the most wonderful time of the year,” said NAMI medical director Ken Duckworth (in an interview before the pandemic). For individuals and families coping with mental health challenges, the holiday season can be a lonely or stressful time, filled with anxiety and/or depression. If you’re living with a mental health condition, stress can also contribute to worsening symptoms. Examples: in schizophrenia, it can encourage hallucinations and delusions; in bipolar disorder, it can trigger episodes of both mania and depression. The COVID-19 crisis has made maintaining mental health more challenging for so many.

Here are some suggestions for how you can reduce stress and maintain good mental health during the holiday season.

Accept your needs. Be kind to yourself! Put your own mental and physical well-being first. Recognize what your triggers are to help you prepare for stressful situations. Is shopping for holiday gifts too stressful for you? What is making you feel physically and mentally agitated? Once you know this, you can take steps to avoid or cope with stress.
Set boundaries. Family dynamics can be complex. Acknowledge them and accept that you can only control your role. If you need to, find ways to limit your exposure.
Write a gratitude list and offer thanks. As we near the end of the year, it’s a good time to reflect back on what you are grateful for, then thank those who have supported you. Gratitude has been shown to improve mental health. 2020 and 2021have been an especially challenging years for us all. In the midst of it all, is there something or someone for whom you are thankful?
Manage your time and don’t try to do to. much. Prioritizing your time and activities can help you use your time well. Making a day-to-day schedule helps ensure you don’t feel overwhelmed by everyday tasks and deadlines. It’s okay to say no to plans that don’t fit into your schedule or don’t make you feel good.
Be realistic. Even pre-pandemic, the happy lives of the people shown in those holiday commercials are fictional. We all have struggles one time or another and it’s not realistic to expect otherwise. Sometimes, it’s simply not possible to find the perfect gift or have a peaceful time with family. (Yes, even Zoom family gatherings can be stressful!).
Practice relaxation. Deep breathing, meditation and progressive muscle relaxation are good ways to calm yourself. Taking a break to refocus can have benefits beyond the immediate moment.
Exercise daily. Schedule time to walk outside, bike or join a dance class. Whatever you do, make sure it’s fun. Daily exercise naturally produces stress-relieving hormones in your body and improves your overall physical and mental health.
Set aside time for yourself and prioritize self-care. Schedule time for activities that make you feel good. It might be reading a book, going to the movies, getting a massage, listening to music you love, or taking your dog for a walk. It’s okay to prioritize alone time you need to recharge.
Eat well. Dinners, parties, and cookie trays at every turn, our eating habits are challenged during the holiday season. Try to maintain a healthy diet through it all. Eating unprocessed foods, like whole grains, vegetables, and fresh fruit is the foundation for a healthy body and mind. Eating well can stabilize your mood.
Get enough sleep. Symptoms of some mental health conditions, like mania in bipolar disorder, can be triggered by getting too little sleep.
Avoid alcohol and drugs. They don’t actually reduce stress: in fact, they often worsen it. If you’re struggling with substance abuse, educate yourself and get help.
Spend time in nature. Studies show that time in nature reduces stress. Need to break away from family during a holiday gathering? Talk a walk in a local park.
Volunteer. The act of volunteering can provide a great source of comfort. By helping people who are not as fortunate, you can also feel less lonely or isolated and more connected to your community.
Find support. Whether it’s with friends, family, a counselor or a support group, airing out and talking can help. If you or someone you love is experiencing a crisis, you can call the National Suicide Prevention Line at 1-800-273-8255; use the Crisis Text Line by texting HOME to 741741 to connect with a trained crisis counselor for free, 24/7 crisis support.
Keep up with or seek therapy. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, it may be time to share with your mental health professional. They can help you pinpoint specific events that trigger you and help you create an action plan to change them. If you’re already seeing a therapist, keep it up. Your EAP is a great place to start; contact Clinical Associates of the Southern Tier for an appointment.

https://namica.org/blog/handling-stress-during-the-holiday-season/

Creative Problem Solving

Thu, 02 Dec 2021 20:16:46 GMT

Don't despair if the same frustrating problems shackle you at work time and time again. Perhaps you're bored with your job or concerned because the competition is passing your company by. Be aware that you can solve these problems with creativity.

Whether you realize it, you already have creative ability. "Ninety-eight percent of people are creative, but our socialization process causes them to put it on the back burner. The fastest way to tap into your creativity is to learn how to use creative problem-solving techniques," says James M. Higgins, author of 101 Creative Problem-Solving Techniques.

Two of his favorite techniques — one for individuals, the other for groups — may work for you.

Mind Mapping: Mind mapping can help individuals brainstorm solutions to a problem; plan a meeting, party or vacation; organize daily work duties; compose a speech, and take notes at a staff meeting. An Englishman named Tony Buzan originated the technique, which starts with a core idea and works outward instead of from lists or outlines. The idea resembles streets radiating from the center of a city."What makes mind mapping work," says Mr. Higgins, "is that it mirrors the way the brain thinks, from a central idea out, with connections made between thoughts.”

How to Mind Map

Draw a small circle in the center of a large piece of unlined paper, and in it write a word or draw a picture representing your main topic. This is like the center of your city. Radiating from the circle, draw lines representing your topic's different facets. These are like your city's main streets.

On each line print only keywords rather than complete sentences. Connect smaller lines to the main ones to represent sub-categories, ideas, items, or names. These are like your city's side streets. Whenever you think of a new idea, simply add a line where needed.

To spark more creativity and add organization, use different-colored ink for different categories, or draw symbols next to similar or interrelated items.

Besides awakening your creativity, mind mapping allows you to see the total picture on one page.

Storyboarding: With storyboarding, a group can come up with a multitude of creative ideas quickly while viewing them in an organized fashion.

How to Storyboard

To use storyboarding in a group setting, encourage people to call out their ideas no matter how off-the- wall or outrageous they sound — and allow no negative comments. One person's zany idea can spark creative ones from other group members. Later on, you can decide which ideas to use. As people express ideas, someone should write them on separate 4-by-6-inch sticky notes, which will be placed on a wall so everyone can see the ideas together. Put the notes under appropriate headings, and move them around as needed.

Begin with these three headings: Topic, Purpose, and Miscellaneous. When several miscellaneous ideas have the same line of thought, group them under a new heading. When dealing with a complex project, create four separate storyboards: one each for planning, ideas, organization, and communication.

Balance Your Brain

Mind mapping and storyboarding use both the brain's creative right side and its linear left side. "This is important," says Mr. Higgins, "because you want a balanced brain so you can take your creativity and do something with it.”

https://mailchi.mp/firstsuneap.com/employee-nl-0621

Choosing Happiness

Fri, 19 Nov 2021 13:11:17 GMT

Are you a person who can act on tough questions? Questions like: What am I grateful for? What choices do I have? What actions can I take to improve my life? What are my primary strengths? How can I live a more balanced life?

People who can act on these questions likely also describe themselves as happy.

“Happiness is neither a mood nor an emotion. Mood is a biochemical condition, and emotions are transitory feelings,” says Dan Baker, Ph.D., director of the Life Enhancement Program at Canyon Ranch in Tucson, AZ, and author of What Happy People Know. “Happiness is a way of life, an overriding outlook composed of qualities like love, optimism, courage and a sense of freedom. It’s not something that

changes every time your situation changes.”

People often think happiness is something you’re born with, but you can learn the qualities of happiness by mastering Dr. Baker’s happiness tools described here.

Appreciation: This is the most fundamental tool. It is a form of love that asks for nothing and gives everything. “Taking time each day to appreciate what you have, to think about people who have made a difference, to acknowledge the love you have or have had. Each of these things can turn your attention to the good in your life,” says Dr. Baker. “This process shifts your attention away from fear, which is often the basis of unhappiness.”
Choice: Feeling as though you have no choices or options in life is like being in jail. It leads to depression, anxiety, and learned helplessness. “Unhappy people make the mistake of giving in to fear, which limits their perception of the choices they have,” says Dr. Baker. “Happy people turn away from fear and find they have an array of choices they can make in almost every situation.”
Personal Power: Personal power has two components: taking responsibility, and taking action. It means realizing your life belongs to you and then doing something about it. “When you’re secure in your personal power, it keeps you from becoming a victim,” says Dr. Baker. “When you have it, you know you can handle whatever life dishes out.”
Leading with Your Strengths: Focusing on your weaknesses reinforces unhappiness. By focusing on your strengths, you can solve problems and improve situations. “Building and broadening your talents and positive qualities feels good and improves your rate of success in every endeavor," says Dr. Baker. "People get energy from building on their successes, not fighting their failures.”
Power of Language: You think in words, and those words have the power to limit you or set you free. Similarly, the stories you tell yourself about your life eventually become your life. “Self-talk is powerful, so it’s important to choose your words carefully,” says Dr. Baker. “If you use destructive or critical language, you’ll push yourself deeper into fear. Even something as simple as calling an unexpected situation a possibility instead of a problem can change the way you look at it.” A good rule to follow in self-talk is to talk to yourself the way you want others to talk to you.
Multidimensional Living: There are three primary components of life: relationships, health and purpose and work. Many people put all their energy into just one area. “But doing so never works,” says Dr. Baker. “Happiness comes from living a full life.”

https://mailchi.mp/firstsuneap.com/employee-nl-1121

Turn Down the Rage Meter

Fri, 12 Nov 2021 13:00:22 GMT

It’s normal to feel anger from time to time. Anger is a human emotion. It’s also part of our “fight or flight response” when we perceive a threat. Anger can occur when we feel frustrated, violated, powerless, or feel we have been done an injustice. It’s not wrong to feel anger, but it’s what we do with it and how we express it that can lead to problems.

Anger operates on two levels: the mental/emotional level and the physical response. Often the physical reaction – an increase in adrenaline – can dictate the way we respond. That is why the “count to ten” and “take a deep breath” advice makes such good sense. If we can calm down and master our physical response, it can be easier to deal with our angry feelings more rationally.

Most of us can learn better anger management by paying attention to what makes us angry and how we respond. We can often interrupt anger patterns and respond more productively by learning relaxation techniques, deepening our problem solving skills, learning to communicate more effectively and developing ways to channel anger more positively.

It can also help to take care of our health. Feeling stressed, overtired or hungry can make it more likely we might overreact. Alcohol and drug consumption can also contribute to inappropriate reactions.

Sometimes, anger management counseling can help. Your EAP can help.

Here are some signs you may benefit from professional help:

angry behaviors have caused harm to yourself or others
increased feelings of anger
inability to control expressions of anger
finding it difficult to deescalate
preoccupation with injustices or slights
inability to let go of anger
anger-related depression or guilt.

When a Coworker Appears Depressed

Thu, 04 Nov 2021 16:02:04 GMT

You can’t play doctor, but something’s not right with your coworker. They are coming in late, not “caring” as much about the work, putting things off, and not dressing as nicely as they once did. They appear a little absent-minded, unsure of themselves, “scattered” or unorganized, and a little bit isolated or withdrawn from the rest of the group. Sometimes they are snappy, too—not as pleasant to be around. Although you can’t diagnose, you can share your concerns. Listen and encourage them to get help. A whopping 23% of employees will suffer from depression and miss work because of it, according to one key study. Getting over depression is not an exercise in willpower. It’s a neurological disease process often requiring medical intervention to overcome. As a peer, you could have tremendous influence—likely more than a family member with whom the employee possibly engages in conflict. This means it doesn’t take much effort to

influence a coworker’s decision to take action and get help. Simply sharing your observations (in private) and encouraging a coworker to get help could be enough to motivate them to do so. Depression left untreated can lead down a chronic path of worsening symptoms. You may help your coworker avoid years of pain as the illness grows worse, and coming to work may be a lot more pleasant for you, too.

Resources for support :

Your Employee Assistance Program (EAP) - access to free counseling
Primary care providers
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (do not need to be suicidal to call or text with someone) - 800-273-8255, text HOME to 741741
NY Project Hope - (844) 863-9314

Fighting Fair

Fri, 29 Oct 2021 12:04:59 GMT

Approaching conflict in relationships

The pop-culture view of an ideal relationship is usually unrealistic and can lead to disappointment. The real secret to successful, long-lasting relationships may have less to do with flowers and more to do with how well you fight. Learning how to resolve conflict is a vital life skill that is not just important in dealing with a life partner, it also keeps things healthy with your boss, your friends, your colleagues and your kids. In any marriage, partnership or friendship, it’s not whether or not you will disagree, but how you disagree. Some conflict is inevitable.

The real key lies in how you work through conflict and resolve it. Here are some good rules of thumb.

Don’t let anger or resentment fester and build up. Put it on the table as soon as practical and get beyond it. Work out disagreements constructively.
Aim to resolve, not to win. Your goal shouldn’t be to win an argument but to strengthen the relationship. Find alignment and mutual goals. Think about your partner’s needs as well as your own. Negotiate and compromise.
Learn to listen. Don’t assume you know what your partner feels or means – clarify using a feedback loop and rephrase what you hear. Avoid interrupting.
Give people the benefit of the doubt. Learn to separate the problem from the person.
Cultivate acceptance. Stop trying to change people. Thomas Merton said that, “The beginning of love is to let those we love be perfectly themselves, and not to twist them to fit our own image. Otherwise we love only the reflection of ourselves we find in them.”
Don’t hit below the belt. Don’t accuse or exploit weaknesses or sensitivities. Keep respect in the forefront. Offer reassurance of continued regard.
It’s not just about you. Try not to personalize what you hear and to listen for the other person’s needs.
Stay in control. Use words not actions to express your feelings. If you feel your anger or emotions are getting out of hand, take a break.
Let go. Forgive. Don’t hold grudges.

Wise Mind

Fri, 22 Oct 2021 15:02:44 GMT

Have you ever been in a chaotic situation but instead of becoming overwhelmed, you rose to the occasion, kept your cool and focus? If you have, you were using your wise mind. The Wise Mind concept was created by Dr. Marsha Linehan and is at the center of Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT). Dr. Linehan explains that our mind can be viewed as having three parts, the Emotional (thoughts based on distressing feelings) the Reasonable (rational and logical), and the Wise Mind. The emotional mind is impulsive and driven by intense feelings and a sense of urgency. An example of this is saying something hurtful to a loved one in the heat of the moment. The reasonable mind is fact based and concrete. We use that part of our mind when we are following complex instructions, directions or tasks; like following a recipe, solving a math problem or navigating from a map. The Wise Mind is the coming together and overlap between emotional and reasonable mind. The wise mind is aware of thoughts, feelings, and body sensations but also weighs the facts, looks for different perspectives, options, choices, and gives thought to short and long term consequences.

If you’ve ever been in an argument over something trivial, there was probably a part of you that knew arguing wasn’t helping…that was the wise mind talking. The table below illustrates these three states of mind. It also has questions to help you uncover and use your wise mind more effectively.

WISE MIND

STOP! Take a breath. What does Wise Mind make of this? What's the bigger picture? What will the consequences of my reaction by? (Short and long term) What is going to be the best response to this situation - best for me, for others, for the situation. What will be most helpful and effective, all things considered?

What to Expect in Counseling

Fri, 15 Oct 2021 12:50:06 GMT

Before seeing a counselor, give thought to what is going on in your life right now. Have a clear goal or objective in mind. What would you like to see different or change?

Kick The Tires

Not all counselors are the same. Counselors differ in approach, licensure, personality, and specialties. Do you have preferences? Male vs. female, older vs. younger, ethnicity, LGBTQ friendly, faith based or ease of office location are all factors to consider. Would you benefit from a counselor that assigns tasks, homework, reading between appointments? Most counselors have a website that offers client’s information about them personally and professionally. Seek advise from trusted individuals that have had counseling.

The First Appointment

There will not be sweeping results from your first visit. There will likely not be a “eureka” moment and chances are you won’t feel significantly better. Don’t be discouraged! Much time is spent filling out new client paperwork. There will likely be many questions about your life up to this point as well as questions about your family, employment history and personal history. The counselor will explore current symptoms and how you are functioning on a daily basis. The therapist may ask about your sleeping/eating habits, mood, ability to focus and concentrate. This information gathering may be difficult to discuss, hard to bring up or feel like a waste of time but it is essential in helping the therapist fully understand your concern(s) and develop a plan with you to help. You will develop goals and objectives for treatment. Before the end of the initial appointment, your counselor will likely review frequency of future appointments and identify after hours support (e.g. on-call availability, emergency resources).

The Second Visit and Beyond

Expect the real work to begin at session 2-3. Goals and objectives have been identified and discussed. Your participation in counseling matters. Counseling is not a bystander sport. Its’ an interactive process where your questions, thoughts and willingness to be open leads to progress. Be honest and ask questions. Telling the counselor what you think she/he wants to hear won’t help you in the long run. If there is

something you don’t understand don’t be afraid to ask for clarification or for another explanation. Make an honest effort to hear your counselors feedback. Good therapists understand that positive change happens with the right proportions of support AND challenge.

What is Mental Illness?

Fri, 08 Oct 2021 12:07:00 GMT

It is a medical problem, just like heart disease or diabetes.

Mental illnesses are health conditions involving changes in emotion, thinking or behavior (or a combination of these). Mental illnesses are associated with distress and/or problems functioning in social, work or family activities. Mental illness is common. In a given year:

◦ nearly one in five (19 percent) U.S. adults experience some form of mental illness

◦ one in 24 (4.1 percent) has a serious mental illness*

◦ one in 12 (8.5 percent) has a diagnosable substance use disorder

Mental illness is treatable. The vast majority of individuals with mental illness continue to function in their daily lives.

Mental Health Vs. Mental Illness

Mental Health… involves effective functioning in daily activities resulting in

◦ Productive activities (work, school, caregiving)

◦ Healthy relationships

◦ Ability to adapt to change and cope with adversity

Mental Illness...refers collectively to all diagnosable mental disorders — health conditions involving

◦ Significant changes in thinking, emotion and/or behavior

◦ Distress and/or problems functioning in social, work or family activities

Mental health is the foundation for emotions, thinking, communication, learning, resilience and self-esteem. Mental health is also key to relationships, personal and emotional well-being and contributing to community or society.

Many people who have a mental illness do not want to talk about it. But mental illness is nothing to be ashamed of! It is a medical condition, just like heart disease or diabetes. And mental health conditions are treatable. We are continually expanding our understanding of how the human brain works, and treatments are available to help people successfully manage mental health conditions.

Mental illness does not discriminate; it can affect anyone regardless of your age, gender, geography, income, social status, race/ethnicity, religion/spirituality, sexual orientation, background or other aspect of cultural identity. While mental illness can occur at any age, three-fourths of all mental illness begins by age 24. Mental illnesses take many forms. Some are mild and only interfere in limited ways with daily life, such as certain phobias (abnormal fears). Other mental health conditions are so severe that a person may need care in a hospital.

Tips for Talking About Mental Health/Illness

Set time aside with no distractions: It is important to provide an open and non-judgmental space with no distractions.
Let them share as much or as little as they want to: Let the person lead the discussion at their own pace. Don’t put pressure on them to tell you anything they aren’t ready to talk about. Talking can take a lot of trust and courage. You might be the first person they have been able to talk to about this.
Don't try to diagnose or second guess their feelings: You probably aren’t a medical expert and, while you may be happy to talk and offer support, you aren’t a trained counselor. Try not to make assumptions about what is wrong or jump in too quickly with your own diagnosis or solutions.
Keep questions open ended: Say "Why don’t you tell me how you are feeling?" rather than "I can see you are feeling very low.” Try to keep your language neutral. Give the person time to answer and try not to grill them with too many questions.
Talk about wellbeing: Talk about ways of de-stressing or practicing self-care and ask if they find anything helpful. Exercising, having a healthy diet and getting a good nights sleep can help protect mental health and sustain wellbeing.
Listen carefully to what they tell you: Repeat what has been said back to them to ensure you have understood it. You don’t have to agree with what they are saying, but by showing you understand how they feel, you are letting them know you respect their feelings.
Offer help in seeking professional support and provide information on ways to do this: You might want to offer to go with them, help make an appointment, or help them talk to a friend or family member. Try not to take control and allow them to make decisions. Clinical Associates, your EAP provider can assist with mental illness and there is no charge for your first several visits, depending on your employer.
Know your limits: Ask for help if the problem is serious. If you believe they are in immediate danger or they have injuries that need medical attention, you need to take action to make sure they are safe.

https://www.psychiatry.org/patients-families/what-is-mental-illness

https://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/publications/supporting-someone-mental-health-problem

Indecision

Fri, 01 Oct 2021 12:12:47 GMT

This is a subtitle for your new post

Everyone occasionally struggles with making a decision, but does indecisiveness feel like a frequent problem for you that’s interfering with your happiness? Meet with your employee assistance program to fight to overcome this “paralysis by analysis.” Making decisions is a life skill that’s teachable and involves comparing the outcomes and impact of choices while paying close attention to your emotions and the

sway of feelings in your decision. With your EAP, you can learn to make decisions more quickly by reducing the tendency of overanalyzing, visualizing possible outcomes, trusting yourself more, and knowing that you are making the right choices. A counselor can help you understand how a pattern of indecisiveness developed, examine whether depression contributes to it, and decide what further assistance could be helpful. Don’t let indecisiveness remain a problem that causes you to lose faith in your own judgment and prevents you from attaining what life has to offer.

Here are some tips for navigating indecision.

Forget the fear: If you can’t make a decision, there’s a good chance that you’re afraid of something. Figure out what it is and write it down. Ask yourself what you’ll do if your fear comes to pass. Is it truly possible? If so, how will you cope? For example, you might be considering a job change but fear the financial risks. Maybe the new job pays less than your current job. Consider how the reduced income will affect your life and how you might deal with it. Then set your fear aside and make the decision that seems best to you.
Tune in to your emotions: Many people who have trouble making decisions tend to over-analyze. There comes a time when no matter how much information you have, or how much logic you’ve applied, the decision isn’t going to get any easier. Set a time limit on your research, list-making, and pondering. Then ask yourself: “Which would do me the most good: A or B?” Quickly rate each option from one to ten. Go with your gut. The option with the higher number is the option you should choose.
Practice on small stuff: To become an expert at anything, you need to practice. Start making little decisions every day. Shoot for at least 10 decisions. Decide what you’re going to have for lunch and what route you’re going to take to work. Go to your favorite store and choose one small purchase. As little things come up throughout the day, practice making faster decisions. Unless it’s a big one, don’t put it off. Give yourself a time limit and decide!
Ask, ‘Will this matter 10 years from now?’: Sometimes, decisions seem much bigger than they really are. Maybe you’re struggling with a new car purchase. Will it really matter 10 years from now which car you choose? The answer might be “No!” But even when it’s “Yes!”, remind yourself that many decisions are reversible. You can sell the car if it doesn’t work out. You might be able to move back if you don’t like the new town. You can quit your new job if it’s really horrible. Try not to take the decision more seriously than you need to. Be realistic about the risks involve.
Learn to trust yourself: List your strengths. Are you smart? Funny? Creative? Ask yourself if you can incorporate your strengths into your decision-making process. For example, if you’re creative, consider making a collage to represent each choice in front of you. Your strengths can also help you achieve what you set out to do, once you’ve made a choice. Finally, accept the power of “good enough,” especially if you tend to be a perfectionist. None of us can achieve perfection all of the time.

Learn more: http://legacyproject.human.cornell.edu [search: worry waste].

Beheshtifar, M., Esmaeli, Z., & Hashemi-Nasab, K. (2012, April). Positive self-concept: A vital factor to overcome career indecision. Science Series Data Report, 4(4), 126-133. Retrieved from flexmanager.ir/downloads/view-5.pdf

Ferrari, J. (2010, April 5). Psychology of procrastination: Why people put off important tasks until the last minute. Retrieved from apa.org/news/press/releases/2010/04/procrastination.aspx

Understanding and overcoming procrastination. (n.d.). Retrieved from princeton.edu/mcgraw/library/for-students/avoiding-procrastination/

Procrastination

Wed, 22 Sep 2021 17:27:13 GMT

Neuroscience offers a simple trick for stopping procrastination in its tracks. You’re tied up with deadlines, meetings, commitments, targets, and everything else that makes your life difficult. But here you are, struck with indecision and contemplating how to approach your giant to-do list as if you have the all the time in the world. Without noticing it, procrastination causes us to accomplish less and less. It also slows down progress as we gradually spend more time fraught with indecision and experiencing brain fog.

According to the book “The 5 Second Rule” by best-selling author and CNN reporter Mel Robbins, there is a simple rule that can help you stop procrastination in its tracks. The rule is simple: The moment you have an instinct to act on a goal you must act on in it immediately (or within five seconds) — otherwise your brain will start leaning towards procrastination. This technique lets your brain eliminate doubts, fears, and emotions that hinder you from performing. Once you start using the rule correctly, those five seconds can become 5 minutes, 5 hours, 5 days, up until you finish your tasks.

There is solid scientific reasoning behind it: No-brainer decisions, like jumping in a pool to rescue a drowning child, are driven by a very fast-thinking part of the brain (known as the prefrontal cortex). When you jump in to save a theoretical child in need, you’re driven by that emotional part of your brain — and you don’t spend time analyzing how deep the water is, how to best approach the rescue, etc.

Most tasks, however, utilize rational parts of our brain. Unfortunately, these are the same parts of our minds that helped us avoid danger in primitive times. As a result, we approach an Excel spreadsheet the same way we foraged for food as cavemen — by looking at all the possible dangers behind it, and constantly analyzing the best approach. It’s a slow and inefficient process that causes procrastination, and stress only makes it worse.

The key here is to end the indecision cycle by to activating the proper parts of your brain. While you cannot immediately flush procrastination out of your system, you can start by conditioning your mind into focusing on what is important and knowing that you can do it (or at least take a crack at it) during the 5-second window. Here are some tips on using this trick to teach your mind to prioritize tasks that are essential to your long-term goals:

Savor the discomfort That first action may hurt (emotionally speaking) because let us admit it, it’s something that you don’t want to do or have been avoiding because of stress. Remind yourself that with every great accomplishment, there should be sacrifice and hard work involved. You will never have a taste of success if you have not experienced leaving your comfort zone. It is like a pattern that you should familiarize yourself with. After overcoming the hard part, the rewards are greater.
Take baby steps Even US Olympians and Navy SEALs rely on baby-steps to achieve their huge goals and step out of their comfort zones. That’s because Harvard research suggests that breaking down your goals into tiny, daily steps is the easiest way to reach those huge successes. And it’s much easier to make that initial leap if you’re not thinking of a daunting goal. Rather than jumping into the deep end, take a few steps out of the shallow end today. If you’re thinking of opening a business, for instance, Forbes suggests you “interview one business owner.” Before you know it, you’ll have taken huge leaps, and your procrastination will be a faraway distant memory.
Stay away from distractions Distractions are everywhere, sometimes they are disguised as worthwhile activities, even if they just take up your precious time in exchange of nothing. Don’t spend much of your time with things that do not take you closer to the next milestones ahead of you. If you can, intentionally put them away or turn them down. For instance, in the course of achieving your financial goals, take initiative by deliberately avoiding window shopping or logging-in to E-commerce sites/apps to stay away from temptations. In this way, you can allocate your extra energy finishing your to-dos rather than stalling around which could potentially affect your budget and financial security.
Reflect on your goals In moments when you still can’t make yourself get up to do something, there’s no better solution than to remind yourself of the goals awaiting for you. Since you have determined the kind of person you want to become and the amount of success that you want to achieve, you have more than enough reasons to get moving. Keep in mind that if you fail to act now, or in that 5-second window, you will remain the same person as you are yesterday, unless you do something about it.
Stop multitasking Getting a number of things off your to-do list is good but it does not mean you have to do it all at the same time Concentrating on one task gives you more time to think (and act) as compared to doing it with several other activities on the side. Multitasking requires you to split your attention complicating your thought process. If you want to get things done, choose to do it, and do it one thing at a time. Don’t attempt to do many things, said that you should do the hard jobs first, for the easier ones have a way to take care of themselves.

https://medium.com/@ellekaplan/why-the-5-second-rule-will-end-your-procrastination-according-to-science-34b3d6fa367a

Cheerfulness

Fri, 17 Sep 2021 12:13:40 GMT

Feeling a lack of passion for a job is not uncommon, but there is a potential fix. Under stress, it’s easy to focus on negative emotions and thoughts in a downward spiral. You are then less likely to see the upside, the things you do that contribute to the greater good—the part of your job you can be passionate about.

The good news is that cheerfulness—demonstrating happiness and optimism—is a conscious behavior. You can use it to manage stress and increase job satisfaction. Follow these three steps:

Find the part of your job you do like—any aspect you can be cheerful about. If you carry groceries to customers’ cars, focus on how this service benefits customers.
Link this benefit to your desire to find happiness in the role you play.
Talk up this aspect with others. If you do, you may recognize more meaning in your job.

Research shows practicing cheerfulness, along with having positive thoughts and emotions, has big returns. It can build resilience for when the going gets tough. It allows you to feel more in control and less focused on negativity. It boosts desire to fend off negativity. It also helps increase the number of positive relationships you have—people will want to hang around you more, and this can lead to improved employment opportunities and even improved financial outcomes. Happiness is a do-it-yourself project. Use purposeful cheerfulness as one life skill to help you achieve it.

Learn more: www.futurity.org/stress-positive-moods-938722/.

https://www.urmc.rochester.edu/MediaLibraries/URMCMedia/eap/newsletters/employees/documents/employee-news-september-2021.pdf

Managing Your Self-Care Strategy

Tue, 07 Sep 2021 14:58:59 GMT

Self-care is not just about getting enough sleep, eating well, or taking time off for a massage. Rather, it is a conscious process of being attentive to your physical, emotional, and spiritual needs, but with a goal in mind—to build resilience that allows you to be more capable of bouncing back from adversity and managing stress better.

To practice this strategic form of wellness, focus your attention on:

physical fitness and emotional wellness (how you manage thoughts, feelings, and beliefs so you engage in positive thinking);
being aware of your emotions and the emotions of others with whom you interact, and use this awareness to make better decisions and communicate more effectively;
knowing how to create positive emotions. Does walking outside for 15 minutes improve your mood? Does taking five minutes to tidy up your office lift your spirits? When you arrive home after work, does sitting down to play the piano inspire you? Know your “go to” natural, healthy, and positive mood enhancers and use them routinely;
having someone with whom you can confide in and process challenges. Your EAP can be a source for this support;
eating right and getting enough sleep; and
having constructive ways of dealing with emotional stress—a hobby, spiritual practices, networking, leisure activities. Examining this list, do you see opportunities to improve upon your self-care strategy?

https://www.esboces.org/cms/lib/NY01914091/Centricity/Domain/223/December%202019%20BOCES%20EAP%20PATHWAYS%20Newsletter%20for%20Employees%20FINAL%2011-25-19.pdf

Workplace Respect

Thu, 02 Sep 2021 12:08:51 GMT

Respecting colleagues is not only important on an individual, personal level, but it has been shown that more respectful teams are actually more productive and happier in general, so embedding respect and positivity throughout your organization actually brings business benefits too. So what steps can you take at work to be more respectful, inclusive and part of a more productive team?

Common ground

People don’t always see eye-to-eye, and there are many things colleagues might disagree over at work. However, it’s important that your employees understand that, while discussion is important, you must be respectful, professional and pleasant while at work. Always treat people the way you want to be treated—with respect. Like you, your coworkers have rights, opinions, wishes, experience, and competence. They also make mistakes, which are simply lessons to be learned. They have similar concerns and insecurities and share the common

goal of wanting to perform their jobs successfully.

How to show respect as a team player

There are many ways that you and your colleagues can demonstrate mutual respect in the workplace:

Interact with all your colleagues with courtesy, politeness, and kindness. Even co-workers who don’t particularly like each other can be civil and respectful, from a simple “Good morning” to including them in the tea round. Treat people the same no matter their race, religion, gender, sexual orientation, size, age, ability, marital status or country of origin.
Listen to what others have to say before expressing your viewpoint. Never speak over or interrupt another person.
Encourage co-workers to express opinions and ideas freely and fairly, and ensure they are heard. Positive communication in all forms is vital to showing mutual respect.
Practice constructive criticism. This might take a bit of policing, but is a very good habit to get into, especially in team meetings. Try to avoid judging at all costs.
Be aware of your body language, the tone of voice, and your demeanor and expression in all of your interactions at work. People hear what you’re really saying through your non-verbal communication in addition to listening to your words.
Improve your ability to interact with co-workers using your emotional intelligence. This will help you to relate with empathy and better understand those with whom you work.
Include all co-workers in meetings, discussions, training, and events. While not every person can or wants to participate in every activity, try not to marginalize, exclude or leave out any one person. Provide an equal opportunity to participate in committees, projects or social events. Solicit volunteers from people with differing opinions and try to involve everyone.

How to show respect as a team leader

While the above can be performed by anyone with any level of seniority within an organization, team leaders or managers have a greater

responsibility to ensure mutual respect within their teams.

Lead by example - When there’s resentment or a lack of respect between two leaders, or between a leader and a team member, it becomes very obvious very quickly to everyone who has to witness it. On the flip side, mutual respect is also plain as day. Leaders set the tone for their teams, and subsequently for their organizations, so it’s your duty to strive to be respectful and inclusive at all times.
Swiftly shut down disrespectful behavior - People can disrespect each other intentionally and unintentionally, but if this behavior occurs regularly it’s typically because there’s no consequence. Bad behavior should, where possible, be shut down immediately, otherwise, it can quickly poison an organization’s culture and reduce employee morale. When a leader calls out a colleague or team member for inappropriate or malicious behavior it makes it abundantly clear that 1) employee wellbeing and psychological safety are held in high regard, and 2) disrespectful behavior won’t be tolerated. This may be a rare occurrence in most organizations, but when difficult situations arise, a timely conversation with the offender is the best approach.
Recognize respectful employees - Public recognition can go a long way towards cultivating an atmosphere of respect across your organization. Employees who treat others with respect and dignity, who go out of their way to be fair and understanding, can be celebrated for these traits at team meetings or more formal awards ceremonies.

https://www.reedbusinessschool.co.uk/demonstratingmutual-respect-in-the-workplace/

Lunch Break

Tue, 03 Aug 2021 18:47:33 GMT

How do you spend your lunch break? Do you quickly eat your sandwich while staring at the screen of your phone? Do you devour a salad at your desk while typing? Or do you skip lunch altogether because you have too much to do? Sometimes working hard means we forgo our lunch break in order to get more done. However, we all need energy from calories in our food for our minds to function at their best. Taking a midday break allows you to refuel and re-energize, often making you even more productive when you return. Forbes writer Jacquelyn Smith consulted workplace and career experts and compiled a list of things all workers should do during their lunch break to make the most of their time.

Take a deep breath to start your break to help you relax and let go of any stress.
Stopping for two minutes to eat at your desk doesn’t count as a real break. A true recovery break means you aren’t working, so try not to check your email or talk about work during lunch.
Get up and walk to another room to eat or get outside for some fresh air and a quick walk. The movement can help you clear your mind and energize your body.
Think of your break as time in your day to enjoy yourself. This could be enjoying your favorite healthy foods or enjoying the company of your friends or co-workers. Recovering at lunch can make you a healthier, happier and more productive person.

Source: forbes.com

Examine Yourself in Relationships

Tue, 03 Aug 2021 18:40:01 GMT

Often when we find ourselves unhappy in a relationship, we look at the other person as the problem. Psychologist and author Dr. Sherrie Campbell cautions us to look to ourselves before we look outwardly. She says you should first examine your own role, as you may be contributing to the problem more than you think. Dr. Campbell shares a few tips to help you look inward.

Resist complaining: Instead of resorting to this childlike behavior, have a serious discussion with the other person. Start with how you want things to be rather than expressing dissatisfaction or starting a conversation from a negative place.

Stop defending: Listen to the other person without interrupting and correcting them. If you’re too busy defending yourself without listening, you’ll be closing yourself off to the information the other person is trying to tell you. This makes it hard to connect and understand the other person. Understand and state your needs Think about what you really need from the other person in the situation. This is different from

what you may want. What is it that’s keeping things from moving forward in a positive direction?

Know your weaknesses: Perhaps you are quick to judge, or maybe you have a short temper. Knowing the areas you need to work on within yourself can help when you run into problems in a relationship. Think about how these weaknesses may be interfering in your relationship, and what you can do to work on them.

Source: huffingtonpost.com

Locus of Control

Tue, 03 Aug 2021 18:30:32 GMT

Who or what controls your life? Mention the term “locus of control,” and you might get some strange looks. Simply put, one’s locus of control is the amount of power they perceive having over their life events. Someone with an internal locus of control believes they can influence

and change their outcome, while an external locus of control finds outside forces - such as a God, fate, the government, or employers - responsible.

DOES THIS MATTER?

Studies have found that people with a higher internal locus of control made healthier choices that correlated with a better mental and physical quality of life. These people tended to take more responsibility and action around eating a balanced diet, exercising regularly, and avoiding unhealthy choices. On the other hand, those individuals who believed they had little to no control over life, experienced higher rates of addictive behaviors, depression/anxiety, and ate a poor diet.

DEVELOPING AN INTERNAL LOCUS OF CONTROL

A core value of a responsible person is taking proactive steps in their life. Learning the art of a strong internal locus of control is possible. Consider these tips to begin taking control of your life.

Perspective - What do you focus on? Let’s face it – We can’t control everything, whether it is the economy, weather, or what people think of us. Instead, shift your thinking to focus on what you can control. Be proactive in things like: what you read, your skillset, your diet, sleep schedule, financial priorities, and how you treat others.
Commitments - Be mindful to honor your word, both to yourself and others. When you notice a mistake, own it. Don’t assign blame or make excuses. Practice accepting responsibility for your actions, feelings, choices, and circumstances.
Verbiage - Words matter. Pay attention to victim vocabulary, such as: “I can’t,” “This always happens,” and “If only.” Try replacing these with empowering statements, like: “I can,” “I will,” or “I’m working toward.”

Remember, no matter the circumstance, one always has a choice. Even if you cannot control a situation, you get to determine how you’ll handle it. That small realization is a powerful step to establishing a strong, internal locus of control and the lifestyle you desire.

https://www.sccgov.org/sites/eap/Resources/EAP%20Sentry%20Newsletters/Documents/Sentry%202017%20vol%205-2%20Summer.pdf

The Power of Self-Talk

Tue, 03 Aug 2021 18:21:45 GMT

Have you considered the effect your thoughts or self-talk has on your daily life? How you speak, view, and think about yourself directly shapes your perspective. When you experience negative thoughts and engage in destructive self-talk, you change how your life events are viewed and experienced. This skewed perspective is like putting on a pair of misleading glasses that can alter the way you see your body,

actions, and worth. If your internal dialogue about yourself is negatively at odds with reality, how could practicing positive self-talk help?

WHAT’S IN A NAME?

Research suggests one technique is as simple as saying your name. Try transitioning your thoughts from a first-person to a third person voice. Remove the “I” and “me” and replace with your first name. This exercise gives you a “fly on the wall” perspective, changing the form of your sentences and providing some distance from yourself. This could be the key to promoting more selflove and acceptance by

allowing you to be more rational, and therefore less emotional.

WORTH A TRY?

Does positive self-talk really work? Top athletes and highly-successful individuals have admitted to using this version of self-talk at pivotal moments in their lives. A recent University of Michigan experiment explored it as well, asking volunteers to give a speech with only five minutes of preparation time. Half the volunteers were told to address themselves as “I” while the remaining individuals were asked to use their names instead. Those referring to themselves by name were much kinder and supportive of themselves during their preparation. The “I” volunteers were reportedly more harsh and critical.

BENEFITS OF POSITIVE SELF-TALK

Lower levels of distress and depression
Greater resistance to sickness, such as the common cold
Better psychological and physical wellbeing
Lower risk of cardiovascular disease
Increased coping skills and resilience in hard times How we view ourselves is key.

As a general rule, be gentle and encouraging with yourself. If you wouldn’t say it to others, don’t say it to yourself either. Practice positive self-talk today and enjoy the rewards.

https://www.sccgov.org/sites/eap/Resources/EAP%20Sentry%20Newsletters/Documents/Sentry%202016%20vol%204-2%20Summer.pdf

Avoiding Burnout

Fri, 30 Jul 2021 12:36:13 GMT

Do you find yourself feeling worn out and drained? Dreading going to work? You might be experiencing early signs of workplace burnout. A constant feeling of physical, mental, and/or emotional exhaustion and pessimism characterizes burnout in the workplace. It often results in a performance decline and loss of passion. Do you fear coming back from vacation? Are you experiencing interpersonal problems at work and home, growing irritable and impatient? Burnout symptoms can also include: no longer enjoying tasks you once did, difficulty focusing on assignments, feeling pessimistic about your coworkers and your performance.

PREVENTATIVE BURNOUT MAINTENANCE

Evaluate – Take a step back to see how you’re using your time. Where and when are you most productive? Being efficient does not equal being effective. Prioritize your time.
Set vacations in stone – If you are financially able, plan that trip today. It will give you something to anticipate. Or, consider doing a “staycation,” and treat yourself to some rest and relaxation.
Reward yourself weekly – Establish a routine that invests in you. Perhaps, schedule a dinner out with the family or coffee with a friend. You will be more motivated to complete a task when you have something fun to look forward to each week.
Build community with coworkers – Relationships with positive people who inspire and motivate you is important. Negativity breeds negativity, so look for empathetic coworkers who are encouraging.
Unplug your devices – Avoid checking your office email, voicemail, and logging in to do work when you’re not in the office. Maintaining a clear distinction between work and home allows you to be more present and enjoy what you’re doing.
Good self-care – Take care of yourself with proper rest, exercise, and nutrition to reduce your burnout risk. Research has proven sleeping less than six hours a night increases your chances of burnout.

Overcoming Anxiety

Wed, 21 Jul 2021 18:42:01 GMT

Anxiety happens when we perceive a threat - a problem with your boss, a big project, waiting for the results of a medical test, driving home in rush-hour traffic, an upcoming event. For most people, feelings of anxiety come and go, only lasting a short time. For others, anxiety may be more pervasive causing challenges in daily living.

Symptoms, include: feeling nervous, irritable, or on edge, having a sense of impending danger, panic or doom, anticipating the worst, increased heart rate, breathing rapidly (hyperventilation), sweating, and/or trembling, feeling weak or tired, difficulty concentrating, difficulty sleeping, gastrointestinal (GI) problems.

Anxiety can also affect behavior - withdrawing from friends and family, unable to go to work, or avoid certain places. While avoiding situations can give you short-term relief, the anxiety often returns the next time you’re in the situation. Avoiding it only reinforces the feeling of danger and never gives you a chance to find out whether your fears are true or not. Next time you are feeling anxious, try one or more of these tips.

Question your thought pattern - Negative thoughts can take root in your mind and distort the severity of the situation. Challenge your fears, ask if they’re true, and see where you can take back control.
Practice focused, deep breathing - Try breathing in for 4 counts and breathing out for 4 counts for a few minutes. By evening out your breath, you’ll slow your heart rate which will help calm you down.
Use aromatherapy - Scents like lavender, chamomile, and sandalwood can be very soothing. Aromatherapy is thought to help activate certain receptors in your brain, potentially easing anxiety.
Go for a walk or do 15 minutes of yoga - Sometimes, the best way to stop anxious thoughts is to walk away. Taking some time to focus on your body and not your mind may help alleviate symptoms.
Identify and learn to manage your triggers - Sometimes they can be obvious, like caffeine, alcohol, or smoking. Other times they can be less obvious. Long-term problems, such as financial or work-related situations, may take some time to figure out — is it a due date, a person, or the situation? This may take some extra support, through therapy or with friends.

The Art of Accepting Feedback

Thu, 15 Jul 2021 19:29:41 GMT

Accepting feedback is one of the most difficult soft skills to learn because it is usually surprising and often unplanned, and it confronts something initially outside our awareness. Even if delivered softly with a smile, constructive feedback can leave you feeling vulnerable and off guard. Constructive advice is intended to help a situation, not damage a working or professional relationship. If you find yourself in the position of accepting constructive criticism, here are seven guidelines for making the best use of someone’s good intentions.

Listen Respectfully. It is easy to get upset and focus only on the critical aspects of the discussion. You might be tempted to jump into the conversation and deal with the negative points rather than wait to hear what the speaker truly intended. Hear the speaker out, asking only brief questions for clarity, if needed. Give the person a chance to fully explain any concerns. Maintain a positive attitude with facial expression and body language. Try not to tune out the points you disagree with while staying focused on the entire message. Make a mental note of the point and plan to address it when it is your turn to speak. The person who is speaking to you will appreciate your willingness to get the whole story before responding too quickly.

2. Be Sure You Understand. In accepting constructive criticism, you will need to understand fully what has been shared with you. You
don’t have to accept blame or responsibility for something that doesn’t make sense or that isn’t clear. After hearing what the speaker
has to say, take time to ask questions or make comments to confirm your understanding of the situation. Sometimes it can take a bit of
going back and forth to ensure that both parties are hearing the same message. One helpful approach is to reword what you think has
been said and then ask if it is correct:

“So you are concerned about the three days I arrived late this month due to my car problem?”

“It sounds like I have been missing part of the summary discussions when I take minutes at the meetings.”

Try to hone in on the main point being shared. This technique helps keep the speaker’s message clearer. Staying focused will help you
to deal with a single issue rather than try to sort out a host of complexities.

3. Acknowledge the Speaker’s Point Of View. As you listen, you may begin to disagree and eagerly await your chance to respond. But try
to put yourself in the speaker’s shoes. This can’t be easy for them They may feel uncomfortable about confronting you with something
that is potentially negative, or they may be counting on your intelligence and understanding to accept the situation for what it is, a
reasonable approach to solving a problem. You would not respect this person if they hid their real feelings or allowed a more serious
problem to develop for failure to address it at its root. The art of accepting criticism is to see the other’s goal in offering it. No one is
perfect, and the person who is taking time to point out a flaw obviously must care about you or the company that both of you serve.
Respect their position and duty in bringing this information to you, no matter how difficult it may seem at first.

4. Avoid becoming Defensive. We all want to be accepted and appreciated for who we are. We are embarrassed and sometimes feel
guilty or ashamed when others notice a problem behavior or a mistake we have made. That’s why it is sometimes difficult to come
across as one who can accept constructive criticism. But being open to learning and growing is a desirable characteristic in any job
position or relationship. Don’t feel that you have to “protect your turf” and go into defense mode just for the sake of appearing right—or
even perfect. It helps to realize that you have a valuable opportunity to learn from a negative outcome and become a better
employee, partner, friend or family member. While you may indeed have useful information that will enlighten the speaker or at least
explain your actions, don’t share those facts in a self-righteous way. Instead, try to maintain a humble but positive outlook that will
make it easy for others to work with you.

5. Avoid Escalating Tensions. When discussing setbacks or limitations in a person’s actions, the potential for escalating tensions is
created. When we feel overly criticized or misunderstood, it becomes natural to bring up past issues or current problems that might
otherwise have been overlooked. This is not the time to put all cards on the table, though. It is better to focus on the issue at hand and
reserve any exchange concerns for a later time, unless they are related to the current issue. Of course, accepting constructive criticism
doesn’t mean that you should let yourself be belittled or harangued, but someone who really is offering constructive feedback will not
do those things. Look for the positive aspects of the feedback without trying to take the conflict to the next level; avoid slipping into a
tit-for-tat mentality.

6. Follow Up With Positive Action. After accepting criticism graciously, accept the responsibility for making changes that will help
matters improve. Some people will pretend to accept criticism, but then fail to make the necessary adjustments. Following up with
suitable action will show others that you know how to accept criticism and can actually put it to good use, which will enhance your
professional image and potentially improve personal relationships. You might even want to keep a written record of any changes that
you do make so if the situation is later revisited, you have documentation that demonstrates your willingness to follow helpful
feedback.

7. Take the Initiative. You don’t have to wait for others to take the initiative in giving you constructive criticism. You can ask those whose
opinion and expertise you trust for advice or suggestions to help you do a better job or avoid making the same mistake. Let others
know if you need help or are struggling before problems become apparent. Most people are more than willing to provide assistance
or answer questions to help you do a better job. Ask someone you trust for a performance review at work or for an honest opinion in a
friendship or interpersonal relationship. Then be willing to act on that information, if applicable.

Accepting the advice of others is the hallmark of an open mind and cooperative spirit. Accepting constructive criticism can make you

a more effective friend, spouse or employee.

everydayhealth.com/healthy-living/7-guidelines-accepting-constructive-criticism/

Promoting a Healthy Work Environment

Thu, 24 Jun 2021 19:43:57 GMT

Your daily actions signal to others the level of personal respect that you hold for them. Being aware of how your behavior impacts the people around you can give you more control over the direct, indirect or unspoken signals you send to others. This can lead to improvements in your relationships and overall happiness at work. Consider the following tips to ensure you are contributing to a respectful workplace:

Treat others the way you want to be treated. Think about the last few interactions you’ve had with coworkers. Would you like to be on the receiving end of your behaviors? If not, identify what you would like to change, such as not interrupting others while they are speaking; not using profanity; or saying ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ more often. Once you have identified what you want to change, give yourself little reminders to reinforce your behavior change.
Remember privacy. Just because you work together doesn’t mean you are entitled to know everything about a coworker. Be mindful of asking personal questions of someone you do not know well. If you are unsure if a question is too personal, start with a general question on the same subject and let your coworker determine what personal information to share, if any.
Share space. Be aware of the noise level and subject matter of your conversations when others are around. When it comes to your work area, try to keep it clean and do not post things that could offend others or that contrast heavily with what most people would consider appropriate.
Reach out. Get to know your coworkers, acknowledge people you pass-by, offer assistance when needed, and be inclusive of those around you. A kind word goes a long way. These actions can build a greater sense of community and support in the workplace.
Cultivate respect. Celebrate coworkers successes. Avoid criticizing or labeling coworkers with personality or character traits you don’t like. Avoid intolerant behavior or use language associated with racial, sexual, age-related, or other human differences that could offend or contribute to a hostile or intimidating work environment.

Talking with Teens

Thu, 24 Jun 2021 19:32:36 GMT

Attempts to communicate with your teens may feel like an exercise in frustration. Parents complain that no one listens to them, and teens say their parents just don’t understand. Making conversations happen between you and your teen may feel like an uphill battle, but don’t give up. Research shows that our teens care what we think, even if they do not actively show it. Whether you are talking with your teens about serious topics - sexual behavior, substance use - or having casual conversations, there are some common pitfalls that hinder rather than help progress in communicating with teens. In a recent interview with CNN columnist Kelly Wallace, parenting expert Vicki Hoefle indicated that one of the biggest mistakes parents make is talking too much. The American Psychological Association offers these suggestions for establishing effective communication with the teens in your life:

Be available to your teens. Notice times when your kids are most likely to talk - for example, at bed time, before dinner, in the car - and be available. Find time each week for a one-on-one activity with each child.
Let them know you are listening. When your children are talking about concerns, stop whatever you are doing and listen. Listen to their point of view, even if it’s difficult to hear.
Respond in a way that they will hear. Soften strong reactions - kids will tune you out if you appear angry or defensive. Focus on your child’s feelings rather than your own during your conversation.

Also, make sure you understand what your teens may need or want from a conversation, such as advice, just listening, understanding their feelings, or to solve a problem. Resist the urge to solve immediately; that may not be what your teen wants/needs in this moment.

https://www.sno.wednet.edu/site/handlers/filedownload.ashx?moduleinstanceid=3174&dataid=6440&FileName=Talking%20to%20Your%20Teens.pdf

Effective Budgeting

Thu, 24 Jun 2021 17:58:18 GMT

Do you find yourself working hard and not knowing where your money is going? Are you unable to save for a goal? Try using these steps to get a handle on what is flowing in and out each month to see where you could make adjustments.

Track all of your spending for 90 days using whatever method works for you (spreadsheet, notebook, phone App, or one of the many free tracking sheets online).
Records all sources of income.
After tracking your daily spending, break your expenses down in to these categories: necessary expenses (essential and includes utilities, rent/ mortgage) and discretionary expenses (subscriptions, TV, and other items that are desirable but not essential).
Next, separate out your monthly debt payments, which include credit card bills, auto payments, and personal loans. Determine a monthly amount that will result in paying off your debts as soon as possible, with a goal of two to three years.
Establish your financial goals, including short-term goals (within 1 year), mid-range goals (2-5 years), and long-term goals (over 5 years). Write down your target date, total needed, current savings, additional savings needed, and how much you will need to put away each month.
Come up with a monthly budget that includes necessary expenses, discretionary expenses and debt payments using all of the categories within your 90 day tracking. Look at your expenses and design a proposed budget.
Revisit your budget to see how well you are following your proposed budget and assess progress you are making toward your goals. Track your spending for another 30-60 adds while using your new budget. Determine where you are overspending and make adjustments. Food, entertainment, and shopping are the most common areas to trip us up.
Will you reach your short, mid, and long-range goals if you stick with your proposed budget? If not, where can you make adjustments? Also, aim to save three to six months’ income for emergency purposes.

Building Professional and Social Relationships

Wed, 16 Jun 2021 19:47:09 GMT

Some of us are social butterflies while others prefer a quieter, more private lifestyle. Despite these preferences, interpersonal relationships are an important part of everyone’s personal and professional well-being.

Like many things in life, we can become better at building relationships by mastering a few basics:

Accept and celebrate differences. It’s easy to socialize with those who share your beliefs and backgrounds. But if you want to enlarge your social circle, it’s helpful to reach out to those who are different from you. As your relationships deepen, you may be surprised to discover how much you have in common.
Communicate effectively. Getting to know others is a matter of give and take. While it’s helpful to ask open-ended questions, it’s equally important to focus on their answers.
Give people your time. While much of today’s communication is done through email and texts, face-to-face interactions play an important role in solidifying relationships. Make plans to spend time with people you enjoy.
Be consistent and manage emotions. If you’re going through a difficult time, it’s helpful to let others know this by sharing whatever you feel comfortable sharing. Others will appreciate your openness and honesty.
Be genuine, positive and trustworthy. When you feel good about who you are, others will want to spend time with you. By building positive relationships, you’ll feel happier, more fulfilled, connected and supported.

Gratitude

Wed, 19 May 2021 15:05:46 GMT

Research supports the benefits of practicing gratitude.

The benefits of practicing gratitude have real science behind it. This principle recognizes that how we think and condition our thoughts produces expectations and plays a significant role in our self-esteem, perception, decisions, and ability to manage stress. In one study, those who wrote about gratitude ten minutes a day were more optimistic and felt better about their lives, exercised more, and had fewer visits to physicians than those who did not. Practicing gratitude is a simple process: Simply reflect regularly on the people and things for which you are grateful.

Practice gratitude. Gratitude is a thankful appreciation for what you receive, whether tangible or intangible. Try keeping a gratitude journal, in which you regularly write down things for which you are grateful. Doing so will help you go through your days with greater appreciation. As you write, be specific and try to relive the sensations you felt as you remember what each thing means to you.

Emphasize the positive. Identifying and focusing on the positive aspects of a situation are key factors in acquiring resilience—the ability to bounce back from bad times.

Savor pleasure. Feeling pleasure helps sustain a positive attitude. Focus your attention on something pleasing as it occurs, consciously enjoying the experience as it unfolds. Most people are primed to experience pleasure in special moments, such as a vacation. Everyday pleasures, on the other hand, can slip by without much notice unless they disappear or seem threatened. Slow down and focus. You will enjoy things more, whether a meal or a visit with a friend.

https://www.health.harvard.edu/mind-and-mood/how-toachieve-a-positive-attitude

How to Make Yourself Indispensable at Work

Wed, 19 May 2021 14:59:07 GMT

Simple tips for making yourself indispensable at work.

Developing outstanding habits in the workplace can take decades to learn. Practice these work habits and watch your necessity on the job grow.

Do more than what is asked. How to do it: When given a task, put yourself in the boss’ shoes. For example, ask, “What will management above my boss additionally want in this report that was not requested?”
Avoid more mistakes. How to do it: Don’t ignore the small voice of warning in your head that says, “I better get clarification on…,” “Better check on…,” “I should inform my boss about….”
Take action to solve problems others ignore. How to do it: When you spot a problem that needs to be fixed, claim the high ground and create a solution or initiate the process if others are needed to participate.
Practice positivity. How to do it: No one feels happy all the time, but make a positive attitude your calling card. It will be remembered more easily than your name will.
Systematize and organize. How to do it: Create systems to save time and reduce repeating time-consuming tasks. This frees you for greater productivity, improved energy, and less fatigue.
Maintain a neat and orderly work area or office that greets you with a “smile” when you arrive at work. You’ll feel more energetic as you start your day.

https://www.esboces.org/cms

Improving Concentration at Work

Wed, 19 May 2021 14:46:00 GMT

How many times have you sat at your desk and tried to focus on a task, only to find that your mind is wandering? Despite your best intentions, you just can't concentrate. We've all been in this familiar, frustrating situation, and it's something that can really undermine our performance.

Complete High-Value Tasks First. Whether you organize your tasks in a to-do list or on a calendar, writing down what you need to get done is a helpful way to organize your day. Once you’ve listed out all your tasks, rank them in order of priority and tackle the most important items first.
Set Aside Time to Refocus. Sometimes, stepping away from your work is just what you need to refocus. Take a walk, make yourself a snack, or get a drink. Even if the thought of stepping away seems impossible, doing so can help boost brain function and improve concentration.
Keep Your Workspace Clean and Organized. To help minimize distractions, ensure your workspace is clean and organized so you can quickly find what you’re looking for—digital or non-digital. Your work environment should be welcoming and comfortable. Create a space that will inspire you to get to work and make doing so easy.
Seek Out Peace and Quiet. Loud coworkers, hallway meetings, phones ringing, noise can be a distraction. Listening to instrumental music or using a white noise app can filter out distracting sounds.
Find a Routine That Works for You. Everyone achieves their best work at different hours of the day and in different ways. Create a routine centered on how you work best. Repeat that routine each day to help you get into the habit of focusing on work when you need to most.
Minimize Online Distractions. Disruptions come in many forms; the main culprits are often email, phone calls, and social media. To minimize these, take your work offline when you start an important task. Set your phone to airplane mode, turn off email notifications, and refrain from going online for a few hours. Scheduling a specific time to check email, return calls, and check social media can help you stay on track and avoid wasting time online.

Sleep Hygiene

Fri, 14 May 2021 15:21:39 GMT

Restful sleep is a building block for overall wellness and wellbeing.

Sleep hygiene refers to habits related to getting ready for bed. Healthy sleep hygiene practices prepare and encourage restful sleep. In addition, being well rested gives us more control over our emotions. When sleep deprived, we may find it more difficult to manage stress, anxiety, depression, and other emotions, such as irritability. Below are a few common and helpful sleep hygiene tips:

Wake up and go to sleep at the same time. Keep a regular sleep-wake schedule.
Avoid naps during the day. If you must nap, limit to 20 minutes.
No alcohol, caffeine and nicotine. Ditch the booze. At least 4-6 hours before bed.
Can’t fall asleep? If 20 minutes pass by and you're still awake, get up and do some light activity (like reading or meditating).
Reserve the bed for sleep. No watching TV, reading, or use of electronic devices in bed. Be device free for at least two yours before bed.
Relax your mind. Calm your racing mind with breathing and meditation exercises. Focus your attention on your breathing as a simple first step.
Write it down. Get anxious thoughts out of your head. Put away after written out and then practice relaxation using above suggestions.

Overcoming Stress and Burnout

Thu, 06 May 2021 17:21:30 GMT

Stress and burnout can lead to physical and mental health issues.

Chronic, high levels of stress, can lead to burnout, mental health issues and physical illness. It’s important to recognize and address symptoms, such as physical and emotional exhaustion, negativity, and disconnection from others or from your job. Identifying what triggers your stress is the first step to overcoming it. Sources of stress may include:

Feeling a lack of social support.
Taking on too many responsibilities and feeling overwhelmed at home or work.
Putting your own self-care at the bottom of the list.
Facing major life changes, whether positive or negative.
Feeling a lack of control.

Here are practical tips to cope with negative stressors:

Set appropriate personal boundaries. Establishing emotional, psychological, and physical boundaries helps you achieve better work-life balance and healthy relationships.
Practice self-care daily. Taking care of your needs is not selfish; it is essential for well-being. A nutritious diet, adequate sleep, and exercise can help you manage stress. Avoid using alcohol, tobacco, or other drugs to cope with negative emotions.
Stay socially connected with positive people. Strong social connections provide the opportunity to get and give support.
Learn to delegate. Let others lighten the load whenever possible. Consider how you’re spending your time and energy and focus on activities that are most important to you.

Workplace Communication

Thu, 29 Apr 2021 20:45:44 GMT

"Listen to understand, not to respond." - Unknown

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Managing Workplace Stress

Thu, 22 Apr 2021 15:55:20 GMT

Job stress can be all-consuming — but it doesn't have to be. Address your triggers, keep perspective and know when to seek help.

Identify your stress triggers - Your personality, experiences and other unique characteristics all influence the way you respond to and cope with stress. Situations and events that are distressing for your colleagues might not bother you. Or you might be particularly sensitive to certain stressors that don't seem to bother others.

To begin coping with stress at work, identify your stress triggers.

For a week or two, record the situations, events and people who cause you to have a negative physical, mental or emotional response. Include a brief description of each situation, answering questions such as: Where were you? Who was involved? What was your reaction? How did you feel?

Then evaluate your stress inventory. You might find obvious causes of stress, such as the threat of losing your job or obstacles with a particular project. You might also notice subtle but persistent causes of stress, such as a long commute or an uncomfortable workspace.

Tackle your stress triggers - Once you've identified your triggers, consider each situation or event and look for ways to resolve it. For instance, you're behind at work because you leave early to pick up your son from school. You might check with other parents or neighbors about an after-school carpool. Or you might begin work earlier, shorten your lunch hour or take work home to catch up in

the evening.

The best way to cope with stress is to find a way to change the circumstances that are causing it.

Sharpen your time management skills - In addition to addressing specific stress triggers, it's often helpful to improve time management skills — especially if you tend to feel overwhelmed or under pressure at work. For example:

Set realistic goals. Work with colleagues and leaders to set realistic expectations and deadlines. Set regular progress reviews and adjust your goals as needed.
Make a priority list. Prepare a list of tasks and rank them in order of priority. Throughout the day, scan your master list and work on tasks in priority order.
Protect your time. For an especially important or difficult project, block time to work on it without interruption. Also, break large projects into smaller steps.

Keep perspective - When your job is stressful, it can feel as if it's taking over your life. To maintain perspective:

Get other points of view. Talk with trusted colleagues or friends about the issues you're facing at work. They might be able to provide insights or offer suggestions for coping. Sometimes simply talking about a stressor can be a relief.
Take a break. Make the most of workday breaks. Even a few minutes of personal time during a busy workday can be refreshing. Similarly, take time off when you can, whether it's a two-week vacation or an occasional long weekend. Also try to take breaks from thinking about work, such as not checking your email at home in the evening or choosing times to turn off your cellphone at home.
Have an outlet. To prevent burnout, set aside time for activities you enjoy — such as reading, socializing or pursuing a hobby.
Take care of yourself. Be vigilant about taking care of your health. Include physical activity in your daily routine, get plenty of sleep and eat a healthy diet.

Know when to seek help - If none of these steps relieves your feelings of job stress or burnout, consult a mental health provider — either on your own or through an employee assistance program offered by your employer. Through counseling, you can learn effective ways to handle job stress.

https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/stress-management/in-depth/coping-with-stress/art-20048369

Importance of Mental Fitness

Thu, 15 Apr 2021 17:25:04 GMT

Physical fitness gets plenty of attention, and for good reason. A healthy body can prevent conditions such as heart disease and diabetes, and help you maintain independence as you age. Mental fitness is just as important as physical fitness, and shouldn’t be neglected. Including mental dexterity exercises into your daily routine can help you reap the benefits of a sharper mind and a healthier body for years to come. Mental fitness means keeping your brain and emotional health in tip-top shape. Keeping your mind mentally fit isn’t as difficult as getting ready for a marathon, but it’s a good analogy. You can add mental exercises to the many activities you already perform, such as:

Reading
Daydreaming
Finding humor in life
Stop multitasking
Be positive with yourself
Try something different
Try new foods.
Try new ways to accomplish routine tasks.
Take a new way to work or the grocery store.
Play games
Relaxing
Visualizing

The takeaway

Mental fitness is important to maintaining your brain and your body healthy, especially as you age. There are many types of mental dexterity exercises, and you don’t need to go to the gym to do them. They include active ones, such as learning a new song or playing a game, as well as restful ones, such as relaxation and visualization exercises. Schedule a mental fitness break into your calendar right next to your workout schedule. Your mind and your health are worth it.

Healthy Boundaries

Fri, 09 Apr 2021 13:17:00 GMT

Boundaries help us to recognize where we end and where others begin.

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What is Depression?

Fri, 26 Mar 2021 12:16:31 GMT

Depression is more than just feeling a little sad or under the weather.

Depression is a mental illness that can seriously affect a person's feelings, thought patterns, behavior and quality of life. At work, depression can affect concentration, energy level, work performance and interest in life. More than 15 million Americans, suffer from depression. At least one in six people will suffer from a depressive illness at least once in their lifetime.

Experts believe there are many factors that cause depression. Chemical and nerve cell disturbances within the brain, sometimes genetically inherited, play an important role in depression. Other factors can include losing a relationship or a loved one, stressful life events, medical illness, drinking too much alcohol or abusing drugs. Depression has also been linked to changes in the seasons.

Signs and symptoms of depression (3 of more of the following persisting for two weeks or more):

Ongoing sad, anxious or empty feelings
A loss of interest in activities that normally is pleasurable, including sex
Sleep problems (insomnia, early morning wakening or oversleeping)
Irritability
A loss of energy and a sense of fatigue, or being slowed down
Feelings of guilt, worthlessness and helplessness
Difficulty in concentrating, remembering and making decisions
Thoughts of death or suicide, or suicide attempts

If you or a loved one are experiencing symptoms of depression call your EAP provider or primary care provider today for an appointment. Early treatment is important to avoid serious suffering.

Growth Mindset vs. Fixed Mindset

Fri, 19 Mar 2021 10:57:55 GMT

Our work careers require us to be constantly evolving. According to a workplace study, 375 million workers worldwide will need to change roles or learn new skills by 2030. This is a scary thought, but personal and professional growth has always meant exploring, trying, failing and learning. Having a growth mindset will keep you competitive in a changing workplace. If you want to change your behaviors, find meaningful work, build better habits, and stay current you need to have one–- according to Carol Dweck, a Stanford Psychologist.

Growth Mindset People with a growth mindset believe abilities—like talent and intelligence—can be developed through dedication and hard work. They’re more likely to enjoy learning, seek out situations to experiment, and see failure as an opportunity to grow.

Fixed Mindset Those with a fixed mindset believe the opposite. They feel they “are who they are” and were born with a set level of talent, intelligence, and interests. They are more likely to seek out opportunities where these views are affirmed and believe that talent along—not effort—is the source of success.

Awareness is the key at work to keeping a growth mindset:

Understand the power of “not yet”-stay in the now, don’t shy away from difficulties when completing a task-this is how you learn.
Set learning goals-to help automatically advance your career.
Use deliberate practice-rather than just going through your motions of the day, set specific goals and look for ways to improve all the time.
Ask for feedback for improvement-praise is okay, but digging deeper into improving your good work will make you great.
Re-assess your long-term goals-connect goals to the higher purpose and stay on track.

We all change over time, and adapting is our greatest asset. We all need to keep up if we don’t want to be left behind.

https://www.bestcareeap.org/whats-happening/137/

Goal Setting

Fri, 12 Mar 2021 16:22:18 GMT

Setting and attaining goals can be challenging, but it does not have to be. If you want to be successful in achieving your goals, the first step is to prioritize what is most important to you. How motivated do you feel to put in the necessary work? How much time do you realistically have to devote to the goal, and will others support you in your efforts? Ask yourself these questions to narrow your focus.

Whether the specific goal is something you can accomplish in the short run, or something longer term, try these tips:

Put the goal in writing and post it where you can see it every day. You may have your goals in your head, but putting each one in writing defines it and makes it real. Use the phrase “I will” and not “I want to” or “I plan to.” For example, if your goal is to pay off a credit card this year, write “I will pay off the balance of my Visa by (specific date).”
Make your goal a SMART one. In other words, be specific about what the end result will be and make it measurable (how will you know when you have achieved the goal?). It must be attainable, important or relevant to you, and timely. Write down the steps you’ll need to take to achieve the goal. In the credit card example, be specific about how much you will pay toward the bill each month. Set up a chart with the dates and payment amounts, and track your progress monthly.
Visualize success. Picture yourself achieving the goal. How does it feel? How will your life be different or better? Visualizing your achievement should excite you and motivate you to take action steps.
Share the goal with others who are supportive of your efforts. Sharing your goal with others, such as friends and family, can keep you inspired and accountable. Review milestones and brainstorm ways around any barriers you may encounter.

Managing Uncertainty

Fri, 12 Mar 2021 16:18:42 GMT

While many things are outside of our control, our mindset is key to coping with difficult circumstances and facing the unknown.

Focus on the present. Uncertainty is often centered on worries about the future and all the bad things you can anticipate happening. It can leave you feeling hopeless and depressed about the days ahead, exaggerate the scope of the problems you face, and even paralyze you from taking action to overcome a problem. One of the surest ways to avoid worrying about the future is to focus on the present. Instead of trying to predict what might happen, switch your attention to what’s happening right now. By being fully connected to the present, you can interrupt the negative assumptions and catastrophic predictions running through your mind.
Maintain your daily routine. Routines can be calming and reassuring. Keeping to regular mealtimes, the same time to go to bed and rise, and getting dressed in the morning are all especially important to combat the feeling of disorientation when regular schedules are disrupted.
Practice self-care and stress management techniques. Get enough sleep, eat a balanced diet, remain active, and stay connected with loved ones. It also helps to stay connected to personal faith, as well as practice relaxation breathing, meditation or any preferred stress management techniques.
Rely on calming outlets. When anxiety rises, resist the urge to reach for unhealthy snacks or an alcoholic beverage. Instead, make your go-to reaction something like drawing, working on a puzzle, yoga, walking, meditating or putting on music and dancing your socks off! Moving your body is one of the best ways to dissipate stress hormones.
Seek assistance. The uncertainties of our time are new to all of us. There is no ready template to instruct us how to navigate them. Be open to asking for help. Your EAP is just a phone call away.

Coping Strategies for Challenging Times

Fri, 12 Mar 2021 16:13:38 GMT

Thinking about our personal coping techniques is important when world-wide or local events touch our lives. During these times, it is helpful to think about what works to relieve stress. Just the changes in our daily routines can be anxiety producing. Here are some ideas to keep in mind:

It is common to experience a variety of emotions such as fear, confusion, worry and concern for family members. You can judge if you feel overwhelmed and you need support.
Make active decisions about when and for how long to listen to media reports. Filter the flood of news from all its sources including radio, TV and the internet.
Nurture good connections to those you care about. Spend time with people who support and validate you. They can be comforting and help you to sit with uncomfortable emotions.
Use coping strategies such as taking a walk, exercising, reading a book, spending quiet time alone, watching a funny movie, taking a bubble bath and getting enough sleep.
Stay focused on your regular work and home activities. Routines can be calming and reassuring.
Be optimistic about challenges ahead. Stay in touch with your sources of spiritual strength and renewal (nature, prayer, yoga, meditation, etc.).
Recognize when you need help. If emotions seem overwhelming and too intense, if you have trouble focusing at work, or if you feel anxious much of the time then consider getting assistance. Your Employee Assistance Program (EAP) is available to you as a free and confidential resource.

Don't Worry, Be Happy!

Fri, 12 Mar 2021 16:09:16 GMT

Too much worry can interfere with being happy. Check out the tips to reduce daily worry.

Learn to relax. Using brief relaxation techniques during the day such as progressive muscle relaxation and deep breathing. These techniques take practice, but can provide a state of calmness and help you take your mind off your worries.
Move from worry to action. Anxiety can be a signal to act. Worrying can be helpful when it prepares you for the inevitable or prompts you to take useful action.
Check the facts. Worries have a way of becoming exaggerated. Most of the awful things we imagine never come to pass. Before you spend a day worrying, check the facts to see if it’s even worth thinking about!
Deal with uncertainty. Sometimes the only way to reduce uncertainty is to make a decision. Once you decide, you at least know what to do. But while you are uncertain, you are under constant stress with no obvious course of action.
Exercise reduces anxiety. Exercise releases endorphins and can produce a long-lasting calm.
Distract yourself. Whenever your mind endlessly repeats negative thoughts, practice diverting your attention to something else. Imagine a large stop sign, snap a rubber band that you wear around your wrist. Do anything that takes your mind off the worry.
Schedule worry time. Set aside 20-30 minutes during each day as your “worry time”. Jot down little things along with big ones that are bothering you. Be as specific as possible. Once you have a list, see if you can problem solve. If not, carry the problem over to tomorrow’s “worry time.” It will eventually get solved, or be dissolved!
Get help. If feelings of anxiety or fear are so strong that they interfere with work, pleasure or relationships, it may be time to call your EAP.

Reframe Your Mindset

Fri, 12 Mar 2021 13:19:05 GMT

Take any situation and choose to see it in a different context.

The essential idea behind reframing is that the frame through which a person views a situation determines their point-of-view. When that frame is shifted, the meaning changes and thinking and behavior often change along with it. It takes us from a position of a victim of our circumstance, to a proactive fighter for our own peace and happiness.

Ask yourself, "Is there another way to look at this situation?" or, "What are some other possible reasons this could have happened?” It's easy to get into the mindset that your outlook is the only way to look at a problem. Asking yourself the above questions, can point out alternatives to help you see things from another view.
Write down your thoughts. In order to reframe your thoughts, you have to know what you’re thinking to begin with. Awareness is an important first step. When you catch yourself feeling a strong emotion stop yourself and ask, ‘What am I thinking right now?’ Then write it down. This will help you see a pattern to your thought process.
Start fact-checking yourself. Often our strong emotions push us to believe thoughts that aren’t true, so try to get in the habit of asking yourself, “What’s the proof that I have for this thought?” This will hone your ability to better identify and quickly shut down the lies you tell yourself.
Embrace mistakes. We all like to get things right the first go around since it saves on both resources and time. But some of life’s greatest lessons come from making major mistakes, and those in the know say reframing errors as opportunities can be one of the most impactful practices for inviting growth, change, and progress.
Know what you can control. For your long-term mental wellness it is important to become familiar with what you can control. Many of us live with the illusion that we can control much more in life than is actual. You can control you, your choices, your mindset, and your actions – that’s about it. Consider the circumstances from the day or the week. What can you change that is within your control? What small actions can you take right away to shift how you affect your environment?

Returning to Work After Covid

Fri, 05 Mar 2021 13:27:46 GMT

The transition back may cause a range of challenges, reactions, and emotions.

Establish a sense of control. Doing what you can to protect yourself and others from getting sick can ease anxiety. While many of us are suffering from “pandemic fatigue” and are tired of hearing about and taking safety precautions, this is not the time to push them aside! Taking these steps will help you feel more in control while helping to prevent the spread.
Embrace the return to structure. Lack of routine can be a driving force for anxiety or other mental health issues. If you can, try to get into your work routine at home before physically returning. Wake up, shower and get dressed as you normally would, and match your work schedule as much as you can.
Be respectful and considerate. People will return to work with different levels of fear and anxiety. Recognize differences in comfort levels, give people space and respect your coworkers’ new boundaries. Fear and tension may be running high, especially in the first few weeks after returning.
Be positive and grateful. All of us are dealing with unknowns right now. All we can do is make the best decisions we can with the information we have. And we all know how quickly information changes. Instead of finding fault, show support, be positive and bring out the positive, even in stressful situations. Being grateful will help you be positive.
Take care of yourself. Get good sleep, eat healthy and exercise. Practicing self-care will reduce stress and build your immune system, among other benefits.
Listen to yourself and others. It’s natural to feel frustrated during a time like this. If you do, take a break, breathe deeply and try to keep things in perspective. And know that your coworkers may be feeling the same. Offer a listening ear if you sense they need it. They’ll likely do the same for you.

https://www.bestcareeap.org/whats-happening/180/

Building Empathy

Fri, 26 Feb 2021 15:32:36 GMT

Empathy generates an interest in and appreciation for others, paving
the way to more productive working relationships.

The definition of empathy is the ability to identify and understand the wants, needs and viewpoints of those around you . Empathy is also about acting and behaving with compassion. Empathy goes a long way in business. It builds leadership, strengthens relationships, fosters work productivity and overall job satisfaction.

Empathy is not sympathy . Sympathy is pity, or feeling sorry for someone, empathy is taking time to understand how the situation is making them feel. Below are strategies for building empathy:

Challenge yourself. Take on experiences which push you outside your comfort zone. Learn a new skill, such as a musical instrument, hobby, or foreign language. Develop a new professional competency. Doing things like this will humble you, and humility is a key enabler of empathy.
Get out of your usual environment. Travel, especially to new places and cultures. It gives you a better appreciation for others.
Get feedback. Ask for feedback about your relationship skills (e.g., listening) from family, friends, and colleagues—and then check in with them periodically to see how you’re doing.
Explore the heart not just the head. Read literature that explores personal relationships and emotions. This has been shown to improve the empathy of young doctors.
Ask better questions. Bring three or four thoughtful, even provocative questions to every conversation you have with clients or colleagues.
Walk in others’ shoes. Talk to others about about their issues and concerns and how they perceived experiences you both shared.
Examine your biases. We all have hidden (sometimes not-so-hidden) biases that interfere with our ability to listen and empathize. These are often centered around visible factors such as age, race, and gender. Don’t think you have any biases? Think again —we all do.
Cultivate your sense of curiosity. What can you learn from a very young colleague who is “inexperienced?” What can you learn from a client you view as “narrow”? Curious people ask lots of questions, leading them to develop a stronger understanding of the people around them.

Eight Ways to Improve Your Empathy | Andrew Sobel accessed 11/24/2020

Keeping a Positive Attitude

Fri, 12 Feb 2021 13:28:20 GMT

Several factors may contribute to unhappiness at work—a difficult supervisor, tasks that are too mundane, too stressful, or too difficult, challenging coworkers, or maybe just a general dissatisfaction with where you are as opposed to where you want to be in your career. The good news is that job satisfaction has much more to do with internal factors—such as having positive expectations, developing a healthy self-image, and being flexible—than it does external factors—such as the work itself or the people it involves. Research confirms that we are only as happy or unhappy as we make up our minds to be, therefore, we each have the power to choose if we want to respond to our jobs and to the world around us positively or negatively. The following are some tips for how you can develop a more positive attitude at work, no matter how dissatisfied you may feel in your current position:

Identify your negative thoughts. Negative thoughts cause negative feelings. Pay attention to what you’re telling yourself throughout the day (Ex: “I hate my job,” “I can’t believe I have to be here,” etc.) and recognize that thinking negatively about your job doesn’t change anything about your situation. However, thinking positively (Ex: “This job is giving me great experience to add to my resume,” “I’m grateful that this job can help me pay my bills while I search for a better position,” etc.) can improve your attitude which can then improve your relationships at work, improve the quality of work that you do, and help to make your day more enjoyable overall.
Look for other points of view. Keep in mind that you are viewing your situation from only one perspective. While you may not think that your work situation is ideal, other people may envy certain aspects of your job. Think about how you could view your situation differently. (Ex: “I may not like certain things about my job, but I do like that I work consistent hours, have my own office space, get to work with a variety of people, etc.”). Seek support from others, such as a friend, family member, or mental health professional— Sometimes an outsider can help give you some ideas about your situation that you may not have otherwise considered.
Be sure to take breaks. Of course, follow your workplace guidelines about timing and duration, but make the most of your allotted time by physically removing yourself from your work station, touching base with someone from the “outside world” (friend, family member, etc.), or simply taking a few moments to breathe deeply and do nothing. Remember that you are not a machine—You need regular breaks to renew your energy throughout the day.
Improve your skills. Try out some new communication strategies at work. For instance, try matching a positive comment to every negative comment you say or hear to set a more positive tone to the conversation. You may be surprised to learn how contagious a positive outlook can be to those around you. Work on improving your assertiveness skills by standing up for your-self when necessary, but also stay professional and polite and accept responsibility for your own feelings and actions. Treat everyone around you with respect, whether or not you feel you are getting the same in return. At the end of the day, you will leave feeling much better about yourself for not lowering yourself to the level of your difficult supervisor, coworkers, or customers.
Leave work at work. Your home should be a place in which you can safely leave behind the daily stresses of your job. Use a ritual, such as stopping by the gym, going for a walk, changing out of your work clothes, etc., that serves as a buffer between work and home. If you really have to finish a work project or task before the next work day, opt to stay later at the office rather than take your work home with you. Just the presence of work-related activities in your home subtly tells you that you cannot “escape” your job.
Improve your life outside of work. Pursue personal interests and hobbies outside of your job, spend more quality time with your friends and family, and/or do something generous for someone else (Ex: fill up a stranger’s parking meter, donate money or items to charity, visit someone in a hospital or nursing home, etc.). Do anything that reminds you that work is not your life and that life is about much more than just doing your job.
Explore your options. When you’re employed, you have the fortune of searching for a position you really like, not just one that you need. Explore different positions with your same employer, find out if a promotion is possible in your area, look for the same type of job with a different employer, or look into a new career altogether. Preparing for your next job could mean anything from going back to school to searching online for job openings. Take this time to determine what you think your next step should be and commit to making it happen.
Design long-term goals. Instead of dwelling on how bad you think things are right now, focus on what you would like your life to be like in five, ten, even twenty years. Write down where you’d like to be professionally, financially, emotionally, spiritually, physically, and socially and set attainable goals for yourself. Research these goals by reading books, viewing software, taking an interest/ability test at your local community college or workforce center, etc. Remember that these goals are not necessarily set in stone—You can change your mind about something down the road, but setting goals for yourself now will help give you a feeling that you have something to strive for.

Difficult Personalities

Thu, 04 Feb 2021 13:32:59 GMT

We have all come across personality traits that pose a challenge to us, whether it’s frequent gossiping, constant complaining, aggression or hostility, or outright selfishness. While it is possible for someone with a difficult personality to change, the chances of them deciding to do so are unlikely. The best approach that you can take is to learn how to best deal with those traits in ways that won’t cause you

additional stress or hurt. Below are some tips to help you navigate that difficult personality:

Remain Calm. When emotions are high, your ability to think clearly and assess the situation is at its lowest. Take a few moments to step away, do some deep breathing, imagine a peaceful scene, take a walk, whatever helps you get your heart rate and blood pressure back to a normal level. Revisit when you feel you are prepared to approach things with an open mind.
Don’t take it personally. People act the way that they do as a result of their past experiences. Behaviors that have worked for them in the past tend to continue because they have learned that these behaviors are effective in getting them what they want. Remind yourself that their behavior has nothing to do with you and much more to do with their lack of knowledge about healthy social skills.
Use empathy. Try to understand where the person is coming from. Someone who is always trying to show off their knowledge or belittle your ideas may be doing so because they feel insecure about their own self-worth. Someone who is constantly expressing negativity may have had some very difficult or traumatic life experiences.
Find areas of agreement. Look at your exchange as an opportunity to learn more about what you can do to get him or her to respond favorably. Allow the other person to vent his or her frustrations (to a certain extent) and keep a calm and steady demeanor to defuse the situation. Ask questions to get more information and practice active listening skills (healthy eye contact, non-threatening body language, etc.). Find out what each of you wants to achieve and talk about how you can best work together to reach your goals.
“I”-Statements. Beginning a statement with “I” instead of “You” is more likely to be received by the other person as an expression of your feelings rather than a personal attack on them. Talk to the person about how you feel when they say or do certain thing (Ex: “I feel hurt when my ideas are shot down before I’ve finished explaining.”). Use a calm and non-threatening manner with the intent to clear up possible miscommunication.
Know when to let it go. Sometimes, you just need to pick your battles and know when to laugh it off. For example, trying to convince someone that he or she is too negative, too aggressive, or too much of a know-it-all may be a lost cause since most of the time, people with these personality traits lack the self-awareness it takes to recognize how hurtful, harmful, or unhealthy these behaviors are. Keep a confident, non-judgmental, solution-oriented attitude and accept the fact that even though you can’t make anyone change, you can change how you respond to them.
Get help. People with challenging personality traits can sometimes tap into unresolved issues we may still have from our past. If you find that you are having a hard time dealing with a challenging individual or group of individuals, it may be helpful to talk to a mental health professional about your difficulties. In doing so, you may be able to identify some personal issues that you weren’t even aware were affecting you.

Improving Emotional Intelligence (EQ)

Mon, 01 Feb 2021 15:58:57 GMT

The 4 attributes of EQ

1. Self management – ability to control impulsive feelings and behaviors, manage emotions, take initiative, follow through on commitments, adapt to change

2. Self awareness – recognize your emotions and how they affect your thoughts and behaviors, know your strengths and weaknesses, self confidence

3. Social awareness – empathy, understanding the emotions, needs and concerns of other people, picking up on emotional clues, feeling comfortable socially, and recognize power dynamics in a group or organization

4. Relationship management - knowing how to develop and maintain good relationships, communicate clearly, inspire and influence others, work well in a team, and manage conflict

EI affects

Your performance at school or work

Your physical health •Your mental health

Your relationships

Your social intelligence

Four keys to building EQ

Self-management – learn stress management techniques

Self-awareness – learn mindfulness techniques to get in touch with yourself

Social awareness – learn mindfulness to be able to stay in the moment

Relationship management –learn to read nonverbal communication, use humor, use conflict to grow closer to people

Work/Life Balance

Mon, 01 Feb 2021 15:53:02 GMT

Life balance gives us energy and peace of mind, but it requires our focused attention. Here are some tips to achieve life balance.

Put “you” on your schedule first, and then schedule life’s chores. Give yourself permission to honor your own needs for rest, exercise and recreation. When you put yourself first, it is not selfish! Everyone you care for benefits!
Simplify your life. Identifying the things that drain you, replacing them with people, activities and things that enhance your life balance.
Learn to say “no”. Without this critical skill your time and life will not be your own.
Financial and emotional well-being are connected. Don’t allow yourself to think that you are trapped and helpless in debt. Face the pain of your situation and make a plan to put your finances in order.
Identify activities that give you energy. Be sure these are in your schedule and you will discover your fatigue disappears.
Surround yourself with high-quality relationships. Seek relationships that support, challenge, and encourage you to be balanced.
Design a routine that allows you to accomplish what you need to get through your week smoothly. Don’t run your life on chaos and crisis mode.
Assess the use of technology in your life. Does it decrease your stress or increase your stress? Be sure you are managing electronic tools, not letting the tools manage you.
Take a few minutes to relax your body. Do this at least six separate times a day. Breathe deeply. Walk outside. Stretch.
Focus on your spiritual self. Find a quiet, still place to connect to your inner wisdom or your higher power. Practice meditation on a daily basis. Journaling can also be useful.

Holiday Stress

Mon, 01 Feb 2021 15:50:46 GMT

The holidays are stressful enough for most of us, add in a pandemic and we can quickly become overwhelmed.

We all know that this holiday season will be like no other. Large family gatherings may be replaced by small intimate dinners in order to protect any vulnerable loved ones.

If we stay positive, we can see the many opportunities that are available to make holiday season 2020 unforgettable. Families have the chance to work together to come up with safe ways of continuing longstanding traditions as well as to create new ones.

Technology provides space for families to meet virtually and be a part of each other’s gathering. Knowing that it will be different can sometimes cause stress. Here are some tips to precent holiday stress during this pandemic.

Acknowledge your feelings.
Reach out and talk with someone.
Be creative. Find unique ways to connect with loved ones in a safe way.
Maintain healthy boundaries.
Take a breather. Allow yourself to take a break. Go for a walk. Listen to music. Read a book.
Use your imagination and find safe ways to keep family traditions live, or create new ones.
Continue a good self-care routine.
Allow yourself to say “no” if it is too much.
Seek help if you start to feel overwhelmed.

Election Stress

Mon, 01 Feb 2021 15:48:10 GMT

You are not alone!

Two-thirds of our population are experiencing stress related to the 2020 presidential election. People are reporting symptoms of anxiety, trouble sleeping, trouble concentrating, irritability, tension, and diﬃculty with personal relationships (USC, 2020).

At this time, self-care becomes paramount, especially when you factor in the added stress we are under due to COVID and political unrest around the country. There is also the uncertainty of not knowing how soon the election results will be ﬁnalized, nor how the country will re-act.

This is a very high-stress time we are living in and it is in times like this that seeking added support is very valuable. We are all in this together.

Health experts at USC have come up with several strategies for coping with Election Stress, which are listed below.

Unplug often. Spend less time on social media or watching TV.
Focus on your goals and what you can control.
Practice good sleeping, eating and exercise habits.  
Stay connected with friends and family who are nurturing and supportive.
Create a daily schedule and set realistic goals for yourself.
Reach out for help if the feelings are overwhelm-ing.

Managing Covid-19 Stress

Mon, 01 Feb 2021 15:46:16 GMT

Our bodies are well equipped to handle stress in small doses, but when that stress becomes long-term or chronic, it can have serious effects on your body.

Keep a regular sleep schedule.
Stick with “normal” routines as much as possible.
Be kind to yourself. It is okay to lower expectations of your self during this timeframe where you may be more pressed. It is not realistic to expect that you can be and do “all of the things.”
Take breaks from work to stretch, exercise, or check in with your supportive colleagues, coworkers, family, and friends.
Spend time outdoors, either being physically active or relaxing.
If you work from home, set a regular time to end your work for the day, if possible. AND, stick to it.
Practice mindfulness.
Do things you enjoy during non-work hours
Know the facts about COVID-19. Be informed about how to protect yourself.
Take breaks from watching, reading, or listening to news stories, including social media. Hearing about the pandemic repeatedly can be upsetting and mentally exhausting.
Connect with others. Talk with people you trust about your concerns, how you are feeling, or how the COVID-19 pandemic is affecting you.
If you feel you may be misusing alcohol or other drugs (including prescription drugs) as a means of coping, reach out for help

Building Resilience to Stress

Mon, 01 Feb 2021 15:42:56 GMT

The key is to not try to avoid stress altogether, but to manage the stress in our lives in such a way that we avoid the negative consequences of stress!

We cannot eliminate all of the stress in life. Accept that there will be a certain level of stress in life and work to manage it in a way that you avoid or minimize the negative consequences of the stress.

Resilience involves maintaining flexibility and balance in your life as you deal with stressful circumstances and traumatic events.

Make connections. family, friends, civic groups, faith-based organizations, other local groups
Avoid seeing crises as insurmountable problems. You can change how you interpret and respond to stressful events
Accept that change is a part of living. The only thing that is constant in life is change
Move toward your goals. Do something regularly, even if it seems small, that enables you to move toward your goals.
Take decisive actions. Rather than detaching completely and wishing problems and stresses would go away
Look for opportunities for self-discovery. People often grow in some respect as a result of their struggle with loss
Nurture a positive view of yourself. Develop confidence in your ability to solve problems; trust your instincts
Keep things in perspective. Keep a long-term perspective; avoid blowing things out of proportion
Maintain a hopeful outlook. Expect that good things will happen in your life; visualize what you want rather than worry about what you fear
Take care of yourself. Pay attention to your own needs and feelings. Engage in activities you enjoy and find relaxing.

Managing Uncertainty

Tue, 26 Jan 2021 20:00:15 GMT

While many things are outside of our control, our mindset is key to coping with difficult circumstances and facing the unknown.

Focus on the present. Uncertainty is often centered on worries about the future and all the bad things you can anticipate happening. It can leave you feeling hopeless and depressed about the days ahead, exaggerate the scope of the problems you face, and even paralyze you from taking action to overcome a problem. One of the surest ways to avoid worrying about the future is to focus on the present. Instead of trying to predict what might happen, switch your attention to what’s happening right now. By being fully connected to the present, you can interrupt the negative assumptions and catastrophic predictions running through your mind.
Maintain your daily routine. Routines can be calming and reassuring. Keeping to regular mealtimes, the same time to go to bed and rise, and getting dressed in the morning are all especially important to combat the feeling of disorientation when regular schedules are disrupted.
Practice self-care and stress management techniques. Get enough sleep, eat a balanced diet, remain active, and stay connected with loved ones. It also helps to stay connected to personal faith, as well as practice relaxation breathing, meditation or any preferred stress management techniques.
Rely on calming outlets. When anxiety rises, resist the urge to reach for unhealthy snacks or an alcoholic beverage. Instead, make your go-to reaction something like drawing, working on a puzzle, yoga, walking, meditating or putting on music and dancing your socks off! Moving your body is one of the best ways to dissipate stress hormones.
Seek assistance. The uncertainties of our time are new to all of us. There is no ready template to instruct us how to navigate them. Be open to asking for help. Help just a phone call away; we are ready to provide confidential support when needed.

Don't Worry, Be Happy

Fri, 22 Jan 2021 19:28:07 GMT

Too much worry can interfere with being happy. Check out the tips to reduce daily worry.

Learn to relax. Using brief relaxation techniques during the day such as progressive muscle relaxation and deep breathing. These techniques take practice, but can provide a state of calmness and help you take your mind off your worries.
Move from worry to action. Anxiety can be a signal to act. Worrying can be helpful when it prepares you for the inevitable or prompts you to take useful action.
Check the facts. Worries have a way of becoming exaggerated. Most of the awful things we imagine never come to pass. Before you spend a day worrying, check the facts to see if it’s even worth thinking about!
Deal with uncertainty. Sometimes the only way to reduce uncertainty is to make a decision. Once you decide, you at least know what to do. But while you are uncertain, you are under constant stress with no obvious course of action.
Exercise reduces anxiety. Exercise releases endorphins and can produce a long-lasting calm.
Distract yourself. Whenever your mind endlessly repeats negative thoughts, practice diverting your attention to something else. Imagine a large stop sign, snap a rubber band that you wear around your wrist. Do anything that takes your mind off the worry.
Schedule worry time. Set aside 20-30 minutes during each day as your “worry time”. Jot down little things along with big ones that are bothering you. Be as specific as possible. Once you have a list, see if you can problem solve. If not, carry the problem over to tomorrow’s “worry time.” It will eventually get solved, or be dissolved!
Get help. If feelings of anxiety or fear are so strong that they interfere with work, pleasure or relationships, it may be time to call your EAP.